TweetNotes for @Challies Sexual Detox: A Guide For Guys Who Are Sick of Porn

A couple of months ago I had the opportunity to review Tim Challies helpful little booklet Sexual Detox.  It truly is one of the most helpful little resources to give to guys that are struggling with porn/lust and want to find help. 

Here are the TweetNotes for the book. 

1: We live in a porn-saturated world w/real God-denying & soul-crushing consequences.  #makewar

2: Marriage doesn’t solve your porn problem any more than clothing a monkey makes it a human.  #heartchangerequired

3: Contra @Dobson & @Perkins masturbation is sinful as it pollutes the mind and leads to isolation #guilt&shameasignofgrace

4: Sex is good b/c it motivates joyful obedience, strengthens the husband’s leadership, & enhances true freedom #sexisgoodnotGod

5: Knowing what sex is & is not provides a biblical basis for answering the “Can we _____?” questions

6: Seeing yourself & your porn problem w/God’s eyes motivates you to pursue freedom by turning from sin to Christ

You can purchase the book here.  Or the E-book here.

Why @JohnPiper Chooses Mountains Over Beaches

One of the reasons why I don’t go to be beach is because I cannot swim.  Go ahead and make fun of me.  The other reason is because of the scantily clad femmes that often mute the beauty of the glistening waters and inviting beach fronts.  (I should also mention it is one reason that I almost exclusively use Twitter now instead of Facebook).

Apparently, I am not alone.  In studying for a sermon on 1 Peter I ran across this very helpful statement from John Piper. 

When choosing a place to vacation, my wife, Noël, will more often choose the ocean and I will more often choose the mountains. One of the reasons I incline away from the ocean comes from this text, believe it or not. Beaches are by the ocean and people wear bathing suits while at the beach and the designers of women's bathing suits, it seems, are constantly finding creative ways to arouse the sexual desires of men.

Now my concern with this is not that I might be tempted by one of these women to commit adultery. My concern is way before that. My concern is how to maximize hope in the grace of God in my heart. That's what this text says I am to be concerned with. "Hope fully in grace!" But I know from about 34 years of experience and from biblical warnings that titillating sexual input to this mind is spiritually inebriating. That's my biggest concern. If I allow myself to drink it in through my eyes for long or to return to it often, my passion for the truth and the intensity and fullness of my hope in the glory of God's grace diminishes. That's the issue for me.

If I am reading him correctly he is saying that the battle isn’t merely to avoid lust or adultery.  Those are certainly crucial.  But in order to maximize hope he avoids it all together.  To have to do battle (even successful battle) against the lure of the Sirens expends energy and joy and hope that could be expended on that which really lasts; namely, God Himself. 

Our battle against lust and other mind-numbing activities is far deeper than just “don’t engage in sin”.  It’s a battle to not be robbed of hope. 

Battling Seduction From Your Window Instead of On the Streets

“For at the window of my house I have looked out through my lattice…”  Proverbs 7:6

I do not believe that it is an accident that Solomon’s advice comes from the window instead of on the streets.  Yesterday I noted from Proverbs 7 the path of seduction.  I also noted that if you find yourself on this path, according to the Proverbs, there is great likelihood that you will end up gutted like a deer in a tree.  That is because the battle against seduction is often won from the window instead of on the streets. 

Though we can find help by looking at 7:11-23 it is not in those verses that the advice is found.  These verses really only tell the story of seduction.  The preceding and concluding verses is where Solomon gives advice.  This story of seduction began before this guy even met up with the seductive woman.  Solomon says here, “Do you want to see an idiot?  It’s that guy that walks next to the harlots house.”

The Idiot’s Cover

My guess is that somewhere along the way this guy has figured out how to “stumble onto” this seduction.  If somebody questioned this guy he could probably say, “she came onto me, yeah I should have said no, but she made it really hard to say no”.  He would be able to give one of those speeches that athletes give when they screw up.  “I would like to formally apologize to the Super Awesome Football Team and all her fans for my foolish actions.  I was wrong.  I made a wrong decision in the heat of the moment and I am sorry for the pain that my actions have caused.  I want to reassure you that this is not who I am.  This is not me.  I made a bad choice.  Please forgive me”. 

All is forgotten.  Homeboy starts catching footballs again, juking out linebackers, and he’s back on the cover of Sports Illustrated even though he shattered a few families just months ago.  And it’s all well and good because we know that we make mistakes and this was just a silly decision he made in the heat of the moment. 

Why “Heat of the Moment” Reveals Character

I have counseled high school students that are devastated and surprised that they messed up in the heat of the moment.  They are shocked that they ended up having sex when all they did was share a sleeping bag together.  But the truth is you can do a gazillion Bible studies on purity and sign your name to a True Love Waits card more times than Justin Bieber has signed posters for 13 year old girls, but if you are a straight dude with a heartbeat sleeping next to a real girl that isn’t your sister there is a pretty good chance you will end up having some form of inappropriate sex.

Then they explain, this isn’t me, man!  You know I studied all about purity.  You know I’ve got my True Love Waits ring.  The problem is, this is you, and you know it.  What happens in the heat of the moment wouldn’t have had the opportunity to happen if you hadn’t planned the night alone in her parents basement.  Yes there is redemption for you and forgiveness and healing, but usually not until you acknowledge that it was you in that sleeping bag. 

That “heat of the moment” actually reveals the battle that waged before you even were on the street.  If you end up alone in the basement, next to a girl in a sleeping bag, or walking outside a brothel, your having been strung up like a deer in some girls dad’s backyard was set in motion long before the “heat of the moment”.  The “heat of the moment” only reveals whether or not you did battle when looking from your window. 

The Battle Isn’t What You Might Think

Though I think True Love Waits has an important place within the church and it is well worth our time to study purity, these are not the primary weapons to be used in this battle.  Solomon calls it “wisdom”.  Those living on the other side of the Cross call it the gospel. 

Unless Christ is precious in your heart you will continue to “stumble on” to the path of seduction.  You will wage a mock war against lust and feel like a victim whenever the harlot ensnares you.  You’ll follow all the rules and set all the guards up to keep you away from these things.  (These are wise.  These are good).  But chances are—especially in our sex-crazed society—you are going to get a Victoria’s Secret catalog in the mail, a night alone in a hotel room, or a legitimate seduction that you weren’t even close to pursuing.  Unless you have already done battle “from the window” your probably a dead man. 

How do you do battle “from the window”?  You grow in your affections for Jesus.  You grow in your satisfaction in Jesus.  When your identity is shaped by Him then the harlot’s ploy rings hollow.  When Christ is seen as more valuable than anything else her tricks lose their luster.  When you live in light her empty promise of darkness seems foolish.  It is going to take something bigger than your affection for God to seduce you away from light into darkness.  The more that affection grows the less likely the seduction will prosper. 

Yes, you make yourself aware of the damning consequences of the harlot.  Yes, you acquaint yourself with her seductive patterns.  Yes, you become convinced that the cheeseburger stand away from her house sells just as good of burgers as the one next to her house.  But the best way to battle from the window is by falling more deeply in love with Jesus and the gifts He has already bestowed instead of fixing your eyes on the forbidden. 

Running from Lust

Warning!  If I am wrong on what I say in this particular post the consequences could be deadly.  So, as I hope you always do, read with discernment and test everything by Scripture. 

"Flee sexual immorality..." 1 Corinthians 6:18

It has been said, and rightly so, that sexual immorality (lust, etc.) is the only sin that we are told to run away from.  Everything else we are typically told to stand firm and fight—but sexual sin can become so ensnaring that we are told to run away from it.  I agree. 
However, I do believe there is a huge difference between law running and gospel running.  One runs out of an overflow of love and grace the other runs out of fear, guilt, and shame. 

Law Running

In Romans 7 Paul gives us an interesting picture of what happens when the law meets sin.  Verse 7-8 could just as easily have said, “For I would not have known what it is to lust if the law had not said, ‘You shall not lust.’  But sin, seizing an opportunity through the commandment, produced in me all kinds of lust.” 
Being told not to lust is almost like telling yourself not to think about penguins.  Try it.  Don’t think about penguins for the next 5 minutes.  What happens with law running is that your focus is turned away from Christ and the power of His gospel.  You start focusing on what you are NOT supposed to do and so “the very commandment that promised life proved to be death to me”.  Why is that?  The law cannot conquer your heart of lust. 

Gospel Running

Gospel running is radically different.  Gospel running is what happens when you are so blown away by what Christ has done that your affections actually begin to change.  You flee sexual immorality much the same way I run away gagging from a poopy diaper. 

Notice the motivator that Paul uses in 1 Corinthians 6.  “You were bought with a price.  Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit.”  I don’t think that is only Paul saying—“how dare you defile the temple”.  Although, that is implied.  I think Paul is saying even more.  He is reminding them that Christ has purchased them and has freed them.  He has conquered the power of sin and freed them from the law’s condemnation.  They have the Holy Spirit living inside them.  They have power to run from this sin. 

Law running is simply running away from something.  Gospel running is running away because of Someone and to Someone.  One will kill you because it lacks power and only ends in fear, shame, guilt and defeat.  The other will lead to life—because the gospel actually has power. 

Practical Implications

So if you find yourself struggling with lust it’s not a methodology problem—it’s a heart problem.  You aren’t fundamentally struggling with lust because you’ve let down your guard and aren’t following your 10 steps to stay away from porn.  You are fundamentally struggling with lust because your affections for Jesus are low.  If you want to battle lust then do things to stir your affections.  Don’t focus on trying to not lust.  Focus on Christ—preach the gospel to yourself until your affections start to change and the emptiness of lust is exposed.
But you can also get arrogant with this and stop fighting sin.  If you are watching sexually charged movies, magazines, etc. and exposing yourself to temptation, then your problem is that your being stupid.  If you really are practicing gospel running then you won’t be having a deep desire for smut.  If you’re engaging in these things its not gospel freedom—it’s false freedom.  You’ve just stopped fighting sin and made it sound spiritual. 

My prayer is that we flee sexual immorality not to the glory of the law and self-effort but to the glory of Jesus who redeems hearts and transforms affections. 

The Purity Principle by Randy Alcorn

Author: Randy Alcorn

Pages: 93 pages

Publisher: Multnomah

Price: Used for about $1.50

Genre: Christian Living/Relationships

Quick Summary:

Randy Alcorn has written a few great booklets that are around 100 pages long. The Purity Principle is one of them. The Purity Principle is quite simple: “Purity is always smart, impurity is always stupid”. If we know what is best for us then we will passionately pursue purity. The first part of this book attempts to prove the purity principle. The second part of the book gets practical and puts into place wise strategies for pursuing purity.

What I Liked:

This book is well written, it is short, it is to the point, it is deeply biblical, and greatly convicting. Even if you think you are passionately pursuing purity this book will challenge you to go a step further. Alcorn speaks boldly and wisely throughout. The strategies in this book are not legalistic tips or merely unhelpful theories, they are real and they are practical. But there is only one caveat…

What I Disliked:

I wish Alcorn would have inserted a chapter about the resurrection power of Jesus in our lives. Because of what Christ has done we have the power within us to conquer this battle. I know that Alcorn would agree with that, I just wish he would have laid a foundation towards the beginning. He starts towards that when he says, “when my thirst for joy is satisfied by Christ, sin becomes unattractive”. But, I wish he would have taken it a step further and dedicated a chapter to encouraging those that feel ridiculously defeated by this particular sin. Again, he says these things in a few places (see page 60)—I just think the reader would be better served having a deliberate chapter. Nonetheless…

Should You Buy It?

Absolutely. If you have a heartbeat, you are a guy, you are a girl, you know a guy, you know a girl, then you need to buy this book and read it. There is a helpful chapter for singles. There is a helpful chapter for parents. For a mere $1.50 and only 100 pages this book is well worth it. Apply it and read it and you will be even more blessed.

Rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars

Perhaps this is overly simplistic but....

Sometimes counseling teenagers can cause head-scratching and heartache. Sometimes counseling my own soul can be head-scratching and heart wrenching. I have counseled numerous teenagers that were crying in my office because they could not conquer a particular sin. My wife and I have counseled girls that are struggling with "boy issues" (e.g., their immaturity, their jerkiness, and their selfishness). And I have counseled young men that are struggling with "boy issues" (lust, pornography, anger). One thing always astonishes me...and this astonishes me about my own heart as well; we wallow in sin and plead with God to stir our affections at the same time.

It seems to me that the wisest thing to do would be to flee from the sin. Usually when pressed young men can figure out the source of their lust. Unless your conscience is ridiculously seared (and that is possible) you know when you are "crossing the line". That is why if you are in union with Christ such sin is ridiculous. Please do not misunderstand me; I have a tremendous amount of compassion and empathy with young men that struggle with these issues (as well as young women that "like" guys that they shouldn't). However, there comes a time when we need to confront the ignorance behind such sin.

"I'm not sure why my girlfriend and I messed up. I mean I know we were both in our swimming suits. And I know that she probably should not have been sitting on my lap. And I guess it was silly for us to try to help out each other not get a sunburn. And yes I know the likelihood of getting a sunburn "there" is improbable. But I really prayed before we went swimming because I knew it might be tough. Do I need to read my Bible more, you think? Should I have prayed harder? I really tried not to fall into this sin, why did God not help me out more. Why did he not deliver me from evil?"

Well, you see he did. Jesus delivered you from evil when he disarmed the power of Satan on the Cross. He robbed sin of its power when he brought you out of the kingdom of darkness and transferred you into the kingdom of Jesus. The principle of death has died in your heart so you no longer have to be a slave to these passions; He has supplanted that principle of death by making you alive with Christ. He has conquered sin. The problem is you are going back to it. The problem is you run away from his kingdom and sit in the filth of the old one. And you wonder why you fall?

The prodigal son did not cry out from his pig slop "Father come save me". He remembered the steadfast love of the Father, got out of the pig slop and ran back to where he belonged. So, here is the solution: stop letting your girlfriend sit on your lap, stop rubbing her down with sun tan lotion, and stop swimming half-naked. Sin is serious and it is deceptive. But it has been defeated. Live like it.

The problem is that we sometimes secretly want the fleeting pleasures of sin. This is why we need to pray that the Lord might "stir our affections" and root out of our hearts sin and unbelief. But that prayer does not mean that you stay in the pig slop. If you are a believer the death of Christ has conquered the heart that longs for pig slop; just get out of it. And if you ever find yourself wandering back remember the love of the Father, repent, and get out of the pig slop and go read 1 John 1:9.