The Gentleness of Jesus

A couple days ago I shared a question that haunts men, young and old. Today, I want to tell you today about how gentle Jesus has been with me.

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At a very early age I developed an unhealthy view of human sexuality. A whole combination of factors caused me to view sex as something that gave someone value and identity. Combine this with easily accessible pornography and the curiosity of young boys and I didn’t stand a chance.

At the age of 15 I committed what felt like the unpardonable sin. And I did it knowingly and willingly. I was not a victim of my circumstances. I knew that I was doing something wrong—but I didn’t care. What I desired more than the pleasure of God was the pleasure of creation. For me it had less to do with sex and more to do with identity and value. I had finally proven to myself, the world, and all my buddies that I wasn’t a loser.

I continued in this downward spiral for a couple of years. Then I was saved by Jesus.

On Being Chocolate Cake 

A flood of guilt washed over me. I sat through youth group lessons where we passed around a piece of chocolate cake where everybody would take a bite. At the end the leader would point to the disgusting looking, crumbled, and barely recognizable piece of cake and say—“who wants a bite now?” Nobody likes a chocolate cake once it has been passed around. In the same way nobody truly wants someone that has been “passed around”.

I was that chocolate cake.

As the gospel began taking root I learned that God starts over and rebuilds cakes. He makes me desirable again. What a relief. I was being built up into something beautiful; something desirable. I was a new creation. My past no longer had to haunt me. I wasn’t that half-eaten chocolate cake anymore. I was a new piece.

Then I fell again.

What now? Would Jesus rebuild that cake? Could I be made whole again? I struggled with all of these questions. And I struggled with them as I was going to school to prepare for ministry. I had a nagging sense of guilt and shame and worthlessness.

During this time I met my future wife. For the past year God had really been shaping me and changing my views of sexuality. I had grown leaps and bounds. But I still had the nagging guilt and the nagging questions. The goal in our relationship was purity. For the first time in my life I was in a relationship dedicated to godliness and purity in this area. I hoped to marry her.

One day in class all of my fears were confirmed. In an ethics class we were discussing sexuality. In that class the professor made this statement: “If you have engaged in sex outside of marriage you have forfeited every chance for a godly marriage!”

There it was. He had given voice to every fear that I had in my heart. I must have turned white as a ghost sitting in my chair, trying to hold back my sobbing. After what felt like an eternity in the purgatory of that Ethics class, we were finally dismissed. I ran back to my dorm room, feeling dirty, ashamed, and hopeless.

Washed

My only refuge felt like taking a shower. And there in the depths of that pain, Jesus welcomed me. The Spirit brought to my mind verses that I had memorized. “There is therefore now no condemnation for those that are in Christ Jesus…” “If any man is in Christ he is a new creation, behold the old has gone the new has come”… “If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness…”

I hadn’t forfeited any chance for a godly marriage. This was one of the most painful days of my life, but it was necessary. This was the day that I began actually believing that I was accepted. Had that professor not voiced that hellish view I doubt I would have been brave enough to confront those feelings below.

For the next several months I grew in understanding who I really am in Christ Jesus. The past seemed to lose its grip on me. During this time I married the girl that I supposedly had forfeited. In my case, true love didn’t wait—I blew it time and time again—but the Lord still provided for me the helpmate that he had created for me years before.

I’d be lying if I said that things from the past didn’t still occasionally haunt me, and those feelings of guilt and shame creep up from time to time. Like when I felt certain that the Lord would have my son be born with some sort of disease, just to teach me a lesson that sin has consequences. Jesus rescued me from those dumb thoughts as well.

It took years (maybe I should say it is taking years) for me to really feel and believe that I am deeply accepted and loved by Jesus. But I am and that truth is pretty firmly established in my heart.

End of story…right?

If you have stuck around—and I hope you have—this is actually where I show the gentleness of Jesus. It took about ten years for the Lord to uproot those feelings of guilt and shame from my past sin.

He began His gospel work by firmly planting my identity in Himself. By helping me see that I am forgiven…no matter what. That I am accepted by Him…no matter what. It took times of pain for him to accomplish this, but He has done it well. At times I’ve been brought to what felt like the pit only to be met with His loving acceptance.

Once he firmly established in my heart His love for me, THEN he began some deep gospel work. For almost ten years he didn’t really confront the idolatry in my heart. He very gently assured me of His love and care…

And then he started ripping me to shreds.

He started killing me. Rocking my worldview. Exposing my faulty identity. Taking it all away until I had nothing left. I had developed a view that I was sexually pure because I didn’t do the bad stuff. Through the Lord’s help I had conquered sexual immorality, pornography, and all of that. That is to be celebrated, but not rested upon. He kicked down this self-righteousness as well.

Purity isn’t simply not doing the bad stuff—it’s so much more. And here I began seeing that for ten years the Lord convinced me that He wants that tattered and broken and detestable chocolate cake. Once I became convinced of this the Lord gently began his work of throwing away that old cake and rebuilding something whole and new in its place.

The throwing away hurts. So does the rebuilding. But He has done it and is doing it. With the delicacy of a surgeon, the love of a Father, the gentleness of a Mother, the tenderness of a doting Husband, and the power of a resurrected Messiah, the Lord is making me whole.

The Question that Haunts Men, Young and Old

Somewhere an awkward boy is asked THE question. The question that causes every gawky young man to squirm and feel a little squeamish. It’s a question that will slowly shape his identity:

“You been gettin’ any…”

Here, with budding hormones raging, his sexual identity is slowly shaped. He learns the lesson: those that are “getting” sex are the ones of value. It is from these words that the inept lad will begin his quest to be everything but inept—he’ll be somebody and he will do it by means of sexual conquest.

The next time he gets the awkward question he can puff his chest and say, “yep, I’ve been gettin’ some”. Now he’s part of the “in” crowd. Inept no more, now he’s a man. Or so he thinks…

In Christ

At some point this awkward boy will be drawn into a relationship with Jesus. Through his new found love for the Lord he will discovery that his sexuality has to change. No more illicit sex. He will get tips for battling pornography and help with not having sex with his girlfriend.

Still the question remains in the background. “You been gettin’ any…” This time, though, with puffed chest he gives a negative answer. “Nope, I haven’t. I’ve been 45 days porn and sex free.” Yet, inwardly he is burning. He can’t wait to get a ring on his girlfriend’s finger so he can finally have an outlet.

Marriage

He’ll get married. He’ll have children. His marriage will go through ups and downs. He will have times of being a good husband. Times of being a dolt. There will be times when the sex is vibrant and frequent—and others when he’s in a parched desert of sexual lack.

Eventually he and his dear wife will attend a marriage conference. Nervous laughs will fill the room as spouses talk about their differences in gender. Finally, the men and women will break apart and have individual sex talks. They’ll be transported back to junior high and the question will be asked again:

“You been gettin’ any?”

It won’t be that crass, of course. But it’s there. Underneath all the tips and pointers. This session will stand out for this man; who somewhere down deep is still that bumbling-hormone-raging-little boy. It will be in this session that he will learn how to change that sexual desert into a lively oasis.

He will go home and apply the principles. They’ll work for a season. And with puffed chest he’ll once again be able to answer that haunting question with a proud affirmative. That is until the facade wears off and his wife discovers that those romantic dinners are only a means to an end. The flames will flicker, the oasis will wither, and he’s back to being the awkward boy that has to sheepishly confess that “he’s not gettin’ any”.

Your Church

This little boy is in your church. He might be a pre-pubescent teen or he might be a fifty year old deacon. He is driven by this question. His identity is wrapped up in his sexuality.

Will your preaching and marriage conferences confront this false identity? Or will you foster it? Will you be bold enough to confront his idol? Will you tell him that his identity is to be found in Jesus Christ and not in his sexuality? Or will you give him tips to help him be a more successful idolater?

I pray that as churches navigate the choppy waters of 21st century sexuality we realize that our answer is in the calmed waters of a sovereign Messiah. It is He that gives identity. And until our identity (sexual and all) is firmly placed in Him we’ll struggle with jacked up sexuality.

I urge you don’t counsel this little boy with a list of do’s and don’t. Confront the question that is haunting his soul and show him how the conquering Lamb obliterates and exposes that question as a foolish foundation.

TweetNotes for @Challies Sexual Detox: A Guide For Guys Who Are Sick of Porn

A couple of months ago I had the opportunity to review Tim Challies helpful little booklet Sexual Detox.  It truly is one of the most helpful little resources to give to guys that are struggling with porn/lust and want to find help. 

Here are the TweetNotes for the book. 

1: We live in a porn-saturated world w/real God-denying & soul-crushing consequences.  #makewar

2: Marriage doesn’t solve your porn problem any more than clothing a monkey makes it a human.  #heartchangerequired

3: Contra @Dobson & @Perkins masturbation is sinful as it pollutes the mind and leads to isolation #guilt&shameasignofgrace

4: Sex is good b/c it motivates joyful obedience, strengthens the husband’s leadership, & enhances true freedom #sexisgoodnotGod

5: Knowing what sex is & is not provides a biblical basis for answering the “Can we _____?” questions

6: Seeing yourself & your porn problem w/God’s eyes motivates you to pursue freedom by turning from sin to Christ

You can purchase the book here.  Or the E-book here.

Battling Seduction From Your Window Instead of On the Streets

“For at the window of my house I have looked out through my lattice…”  Proverbs 7:6

I do not believe that it is an accident that Solomon’s advice comes from the window instead of on the streets.  Yesterday I noted from Proverbs 7 the path of seduction.  I also noted that if you find yourself on this path, according to the Proverbs, there is great likelihood that you will end up gutted like a deer in a tree.  That is because the battle against seduction is often won from the window instead of on the streets. 

Though we can find help by looking at 7:11-23 it is not in those verses that the advice is found.  These verses really only tell the story of seduction.  The preceding and concluding verses is where Solomon gives advice.  This story of seduction began before this guy even met up with the seductive woman.  Solomon says here, “Do you want to see an idiot?  It’s that guy that walks next to the harlots house.”

The Idiot’s Cover

My guess is that somewhere along the way this guy has figured out how to “stumble onto” this seduction.  If somebody questioned this guy he could probably say, “she came onto me, yeah I should have said no, but she made it really hard to say no”.  He would be able to give one of those speeches that athletes give when they screw up.  “I would like to formally apologize to the Super Awesome Football Team and all her fans for my foolish actions.  I was wrong.  I made a wrong decision in the heat of the moment and I am sorry for the pain that my actions have caused.  I want to reassure you that this is not who I am.  This is not me.  I made a bad choice.  Please forgive me”. 

All is forgotten.  Homeboy starts catching footballs again, juking out linebackers, and he’s back on the cover of Sports Illustrated even though he shattered a few families just months ago.  And it’s all well and good because we know that we make mistakes and this was just a silly decision he made in the heat of the moment. 

Why “Heat of the Moment” Reveals Character

I have counseled high school students that are devastated and surprised that they messed up in the heat of the moment.  They are shocked that they ended up having sex when all they did was share a sleeping bag together.  But the truth is you can do a gazillion Bible studies on purity and sign your name to a True Love Waits card more times than Justin Bieber has signed posters for 13 year old girls, but if you are a straight dude with a heartbeat sleeping next to a real girl that isn’t your sister there is a pretty good chance you will end up having some form of inappropriate sex.

Then they explain, this isn’t me, man!  You know I studied all about purity.  You know I’ve got my True Love Waits ring.  The problem is, this is you, and you know it.  What happens in the heat of the moment wouldn’t have had the opportunity to happen if you hadn’t planned the night alone in her parents basement.  Yes there is redemption for you and forgiveness and healing, but usually not until you acknowledge that it was you in that sleeping bag. 

That “heat of the moment” actually reveals the battle that waged before you even were on the street.  If you end up alone in the basement, next to a girl in a sleeping bag, or walking outside a brothel, your having been strung up like a deer in some girls dad’s backyard was set in motion long before the “heat of the moment”.  The “heat of the moment” only reveals whether or not you did battle when looking from your window. 

The Battle Isn’t What You Might Think

Though I think True Love Waits has an important place within the church and it is well worth our time to study purity, these are not the primary weapons to be used in this battle.  Solomon calls it “wisdom”.  Those living on the other side of the Cross call it the gospel. 

Unless Christ is precious in your heart you will continue to “stumble on” to the path of seduction.  You will wage a mock war against lust and feel like a victim whenever the harlot ensnares you.  You’ll follow all the rules and set all the guards up to keep you away from these things.  (These are wise.  These are good).  But chances are—especially in our sex-crazed society—you are going to get a Victoria’s Secret catalog in the mail, a night alone in a hotel room, or a legitimate seduction that you weren’t even close to pursuing.  Unless you have already done battle “from the window” your probably a dead man. 

How do you do battle “from the window”?  You grow in your affections for Jesus.  You grow in your satisfaction in Jesus.  When your identity is shaped by Him then the harlot’s ploy rings hollow.  When Christ is seen as more valuable than anything else her tricks lose their luster.  When you live in light her empty promise of darkness seems foolish.  It is going to take something bigger than your affection for God to seduce you away from light into darkness.  The more that affection grows the less likely the seduction will prosper. 

Yes, you make yourself aware of the damning consequences of the harlot.  Yes, you acquaint yourself with her seductive patterns.  Yes, you become convinced that the cheeseburger stand away from her house sells just as good of burgers as the one next to her house.  But the best way to battle from the window is by falling more deeply in love with Jesus and the gifts He has already bestowed instead of fixing your eyes on the forbidden. 

The Path of Seduction, Or How You Ended Up Gutted Like a Deer in a Tree

And behold, the woman meets him,
        dressed as a prostitute, wily of heart.
    She is loud and wayward;
        her feet do not stay at home;
    now in the street, now in the market,
        and at every corner she lies in wait.
    She seizes him and kisses him,
        and with bold face she says to him,
    “I had to offer sacrifices,
        and today I have paid my vows;
    so now I have come out to meet you,
        to seek you eagerly, and I have found you.
    I have spread my couch with coverings,
        colored linens from Egyptian linen;
    I have perfumed my bed with myrrh,
        aloes, and cinnamon.
    Come, let us take our fill of love till morning;
        let us delight ourselves with love.
    For my husband is not at home;
        he has gone on a long journey;
    he took a bag of money with him;
        at full moon he will come home.”
(Proverbs 7:10-20 ESV)

This is the speech of the harlot, this is her seductive ploy.  It’s easier to see through her seduction when you are viewing the exchange from the window of your house.  But when you are on the street walking next to her house the sounds of the siren are often too noisy to say no to. 

The battle against the harlot is often won or lost before you even leave you house.  The Proverbs seem to indicate that once you get within earshot of her “smooth talk” you are going to be compelled and like an ox goes to the slaughter you’re going to mindlessly walk yourself into the slaughterhouse. 

That is why it is important in these moments of sanity to pick her lies apart.  If we recognize the path of seduction for what it is before we start down that road, hopefully if we are ever caught dumbfounded we can recognize that we are on the path of seduction.  Rarely will you be allured by a sign that says, “Slaughter, This Way”. 

There are four lies in her speech that are worth noting. 

1) I’ve got the something extra.  When guys go shopping we want to think that we walked out of the store having stuck it to the man.  We want to think that we—of all the other men in the store—have hunted and gathered the best product and we did it at the best price.  In order to be successful the harlot has to convince the guy that she has that something extra. 

In verse 14 she says, “I had to offer sacrifices, and today I have paid my vows”. The implication from these peace offerings is that she has luxurious meat at home. She has that something extra to put her over the top, to catch his eye, and to make him desire. I’m the best product in the store. You take me home=alpha male. You’ve beat all the other dudes out there.

2) You are something special.  At this point the guy might be wondering whether or not he has what it takes to get this jewel home. She is the best product in the store, but is he really the alpha male? She is what he wants but does he have what it takes to get her?

Enter the speech and actions of the harlot. She wants you to believe that you are not like all her other johns.  She is seeking you eagerly.  There is something special about you, man.  You’ve got what it takes.  You know I could have many other guys.  But I want you, champ.

He’s hooked, he’s ready to move up to the purchase counter and lay his claim as alpha-male.

3) This really is going to be awesome. At this point the guy is going through purchase anxiety. You’ve had that haven’t you? That long walk from the back of the store to the check out line where you begin asking yourself if you really want and need a portable jack with the power to lift up your monster truck. “Wait, I don’t even have a monster truck,” you begin to ask. And then the battle begins—do I buy this thing or not?

Here she lays it on thick. “I have spread my couch…I have perfumed by bed…this is going to last all night…this will be filled with delight”. You want this product! Don’t even consider putting this product back on the shelf. You put this back on the shelf you are an idiot and some other alpha-male will know what is good for him and he’ll be walking out of the store with the deal of the day. This is going to be awesome—don’t miss out on this.

4) Nobody will ever know. Maximum pleasure with no consequences. This is the get yourself in a boatload of debt at 0% APR for 2 years deal. You get to enjoy this thing for two years without even making a payment, no interest for two years, just enjoy it. No consequences.

Added to all of these lies is the lure of the forbidden. This is the last hurdle for this stag to go through. If you can be convinced that you can have all of this pleasure with no consequences then you can rest assured given enough time you will be hung upside down outside of tree with your guts on the floor. You are well on your way to slaughter.

Next time I want to discuss how to do battle from your window instead of on the street…

Quick Review of Two Quality Books To Help In Our Battle Against Pornography

The LORD will be awesome against them; for he will famish all the gods of the earth, and to him shall bow down, each in its place, all the lands of the nations.  (Zephaniah 2:11)

In the Lord’s war to dethrone idols and capture the heart of his bride there are few idols that are more alluring in our culture than sinful sex and pornography.  In fact pornography/adultery/lust is so ensnaring and so deadly that whole chapters of Proverbs are dedicated to it.  The typical advice isn’t “gird up yourself and fight this thing” it is usually “run away” (run towards Jesus). 

To help us wage war in this battle the Lord has seen fit to provide the church with two recent books.  These books are both excellent and will assist believers to do battle against porn. 

Wired for Intimacy By William Struthers

Of the two books this one is more technical and more detailed.  It is also more scientific than it is biblical (not to say that it is non-biblical).  Struthers’ main thesis in this book is that pornography literally hi-jacks the brain.  When men view pornography it creates a connection in their brain.  This connection robs them of their own identity and it also objectifies women that are created in the image of God. 

This book helps men to see that they are not only dealing with the present temptation to view pornography but they are dealing with an entrenched pattern in their brain.  At a certain point you probably cannot simply say “no”.  Your brain needs to be rewired.  You need to start thinking of women differently. 

As I read through, Wired for Intimacy, it helped me to understand things about my own journey and battle in this area.  This is an area in my life that the Lord delivered me from years ago.  But this book helps me to see that there is more to the battle than simply “don’t look at porn”.  There is a rewiring of the brain that has to take place and a relearning of how to view members of the opposite sex.  This book not only aims at convincing people that pornography is dangerous it also helps to identify the battle. 

One area where I found this book somewhat weak is in the area of healing.  There is a chapter dedicated to rewiring and sanctification.  That chapter is helpful but in my opinion it is not complete.  You almost need an entire book on rewiring.  Or to put it another way you need a book on sexual detox…

Sexual Detox by Tim Challies

Tim Challies has written this book not to convince you that pornography is wrong but to “move you to believe biblical truth about sexuality and have these beliefs determine your decisions”.  It is written to guys that are doing battle with pornography, hate it, and want to stop.  It’s written for guys that want sexual detox and the healing that Struthers points to in his book.

Challies’ book is short and succinct, and that is one of it’s greatest perks.  Guys need a resource that they can easily digest.  They need something that they will remember and something that will be a part of them as they wage war.  This book will help you do battle in those saner moments when you are not being bombarded with the temptation to lust.  In fact this book will probably be used by the Lord to rewire your heart and brain in such a way that those bombardments are perhaps less violent. 

The book has six short chapters that each have questions at the end.  Thus making this book perfect for a small group of guys to go through or even one on one settings.  It is an invaluable resource to the church.  Challies does a tremendous job of being honest about the struggle and at the same time truthful in applying the Scriptures.  He not only dethrones the idol of pornography but he also exalts the God-given gift of marital sex. 

Summary:

If you only have the change to buy one of these books get Challies.  It is such a tremendous resource.  Pastors should order about ten copies of the book and keep them for counseling sessions.  It is immensely helpful. 

Buy Wired for Intimacy

Buy Sexual Detox

UPDATE: There is a new book out by Heath Lambert, Finally Free, which looks really good. I have not yet read it in full--so I cannot review. But I would suggest buying that book as well. 

Buy Finally Free 

Running from Lust

Warning!  If I am wrong on what I say in this particular post the consequences could be deadly.  So, as I hope you always do, read with discernment and test everything by Scripture. 

"Flee sexual immorality..." 1 Corinthians 6:18

It has been said, and rightly so, that sexual immorality (lust, etc.) is the only sin that we are told to run away from.  Everything else we are typically told to stand firm and fight—but sexual sin can become so ensnaring that we are told to run away from it.  I agree. 
However, I do believe there is a huge difference between law running and gospel running.  One runs out of an overflow of love and grace the other runs out of fear, guilt, and shame. 

Law Running

In Romans 7 Paul gives us an interesting picture of what happens when the law meets sin.  Verse 7-8 could just as easily have said, “For I would not have known what it is to lust if the law had not said, ‘You shall not lust.’  But sin, seizing an opportunity through the commandment, produced in me all kinds of lust.” 
Being told not to lust is almost like telling yourself not to think about penguins.  Try it.  Don’t think about penguins for the next 5 minutes.  What happens with law running is that your focus is turned away from Christ and the power of His gospel.  You start focusing on what you are NOT supposed to do and so “the very commandment that promised life proved to be death to me”.  Why is that?  The law cannot conquer your heart of lust. 

Gospel Running

Gospel running is radically different.  Gospel running is what happens when you are so blown away by what Christ has done that your affections actually begin to change.  You flee sexual immorality much the same way I run away gagging from a poopy diaper. 

Notice the motivator that Paul uses in 1 Corinthians 6.  “You were bought with a price.  Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit.”  I don’t think that is only Paul saying—“how dare you defile the temple”.  Although, that is implied.  I think Paul is saying even more.  He is reminding them that Christ has purchased them and has freed them.  He has conquered the power of sin and freed them from the law’s condemnation.  They have the Holy Spirit living inside them.  They have power to run from this sin. 

Law running is simply running away from something.  Gospel running is running away because of Someone and to Someone.  One will kill you because it lacks power and only ends in fear, shame, guilt and defeat.  The other will lead to life—because the gospel actually has power. 

Practical Implications

So if you find yourself struggling with lust it’s not a methodology problem—it’s a heart problem.  You aren’t fundamentally struggling with lust because you’ve let down your guard and aren’t following your 10 steps to stay away from porn.  You are fundamentally struggling with lust because your affections for Jesus are low.  If you want to battle lust then do things to stir your affections.  Don’t focus on trying to not lust.  Focus on Christ—preach the gospel to yourself until your affections start to change and the emptiness of lust is exposed.
But you can also get arrogant with this and stop fighting sin.  If you are watching sexually charged movies, magazines, etc. and exposing yourself to temptation, then your problem is that your being stupid.  If you really are practicing gospel running then you won’t be having a deep desire for smut.  If you’re engaging in these things its not gospel freedom—it’s false freedom.  You’ve just stopped fighting sin and made it sound spiritual. 

My prayer is that we flee sexual immorality not to the glory of the law and self-effort but to the glory of Jesus who redeems hearts and transforms affections. 

The Purity Principle by Randy Alcorn

Author: Randy Alcorn

Pages: 93 pages

Publisher: Multnomah

Price: Used for about $1.50

Genre: Christian Living/Relationships

Quick Summary:

Randy Alcorn has written a few great booklets that are around 100 pages long. The Purity Principle is one of them. The Purity Principle is quite simple: “Purity is always smart, impurity is always stupid”. If we know what is best for us then we will passionately pursue purity. The first part of this book attempts to prove the purity principle. The second part of the book gets practical and puts into place wise strategies for pursuing purity.

What I Liked:

This book is well written, it is short, it is to the point, it is deeply biblical, and greatly convicting. Even if you think you are passionately pursuing purity this book will challenge you to go a step further. Alcorn speaks boldly and wisely throughout. The strategies in this book are not legalistic tips or merely unhelpful theories, they are real and they are practical. But there is only one caveat…

What I Disliked:

I wish Alcorn would have inserted a chapter about the resurrection power of Jesus in our lives. Because of what Christ has done we have the power within us to conquer this battle. I know that Alcorn would agree with that, I just wish he would have laid a foundation towards the beginning. He starts towards that when he says, “when my thirst for joy is satisfied by Christ, sin becomes unattractive”. But, I wish he would have taken it a step further and dedicated a chapter to encouraging those that feel ridiculously defeated by this particular sin. Again, he says these things in a few places (see page 60)—I just think the reader would be better served having a deliberate chapter. Nonetheless…

Should You Buy It?

Absolutely. If you have a heartbeat, you are a guy, you are a girl, you know a guy, you know a girl, then you need to buy this book and read it. There is a helpful chapter for singles. There is a helpful chapter for parents. For a mere $1.50 and only 100 pages this book is well worth it. Apply it and read it and you will be even more blessed.

Rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars

This Week in Blogworld 4/17

John MacArthur confronts explicit teaching on Song of Solomon. (AKA Mark Driscoll) Read part 1, 2, 3, and 4.

The more I read the writings of Kevin DeYoung the more I appreciate him. He has begun a series (that is almost finished) on our high places. In these he is focusing on our idolatrous blind spots. Read The lack of Psalm singing, Worldliness in entertainment, The idol of youth, and Our lack of church discipline. Part 5 should be up some time within the next day or so.

Did Christ Have Gray Hair? Turns out your answer is more important than you think…

Great words from Dr. Moore: The Devil is a Boring Preacher: The High Stakes of Dull Sermons. Here is an excerpt: “If lost people don’t like your message because they’re hostile to the gospel, you’re in good company. But if you’re boring the people of God with the Word of God, something has gone seriously awry. It may be that you preach just like the devil, and that you don’t even know it.”

It sure is sad that Piper is defiling himself by having such conferences as this: Advance ‘09. UPDATE: I apologize for not being initially clear--I'm being silly by saying Piper is defiling himself by having such a conference as this. I think Advance '09 will be awesome. I even would love to attend--but will probably not be able to. So, sorry if anyone misunderstood and thinks I'm hating on the Advance conference.

Nathan White wonders why we have “altars”…I’ve wondered the same thing.

JT points us to an interview with Paul Tripp about marriage.

This is powerful:

Cardboard Stories from The Austin Stone on Vimeo.

HT: Jared

Monday’s Ministry Musing: Preaching on the “Big Sins”

Recently Trevin Wax shares an illustration given by Matt Chandler at the Desiring God conference. It is an excellent demonstration of the difference between moralism and the gospel:

During my freshman year of college, I sat next to a 26-year-old single mother trying to get her degree. We began a dialogue about the grace and mercy of Christ in the cross. Some other guys and I would go over and babysit her child and try to talk with her. A friend of mine was in a band playing in the area and we invited her to hear him. She agreed. She thought it would be a concert. I knew better. It was shady and she agreed to come.

The minister got up and said, “Today I want to talk to you about sex.” And I immediately thought, Uh oh. He took a red rose, smelled it, showed how pretty it was. Then, threw it out in the crowd and told them to smell the rose. “I want you to smell it and touch it and feel the texture in it.” (There were about 1000 people there.) He then began one of the worst, most horrific handlings of what sex is and isn’t that I ever sat through. It was fear-mongering at its best.

I’m thinking, with Kim beside me, What are you doing? As he wrapped up, he asked, “Where’s my rose?”

Some kid brought the rose back and it was broken. The petals were broken. And he lifts it up. And his big crescendo is to lift up that broken rose and say, “Now who would want this?”

Anger welled up within me and I wanted to say, “JESUS WANTS THE ROSE! That’s the point of the gospel! That Jesus wants the rose. That he made him who knew no sin to be sin for us that we might become the righteousness of God. While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

I can share from personal experience how unhelpful such illustrations are to those that have messed up sexually. Before coming to Christ, and even after, I struggled with sexual immorality. Maybe that’s putting it too nicely; I’ll just say it…I was sexually immoral. After coming to Christ I remember many of these illustrations.

One such illustration involved chocolate cake. We had a delicious piece of chocolate cake (I guess it was delicious I don’t like chocolate caked). The first person took a bite and we began passing around the cake. Finally, when the cake had been around the circle for a little while the leader commented on how disgusting the cake was. And this is how we are when we give ourselves away sexually. And you know there is a good point in there somewhere. But what was communicated to me; one that had messed up? “You are no longer good for anything in this area of your life, nobody wants you, you are disgusting, you’ve blown it”. Redemption and the love and restorative power of Jesus were not what I was driven to. Instead I was driven to despair—which alongside pride is the only destination for moralism.

So, long before Matt Chandler shared this argument, I have been intentional in how I speak about sexual immorality. I know from experience what it feels like to be that “rose nobody wants anymore”. I do not use such illustrations. I do speak of the damage that sexual immorality does and encourage teenagers to make biblical decisions. But I do not do so apart from the redemptive power of Jesus. I also am careful to remind those that are sexually pure that such a state will remain only through the grace of God. So, I am very thankful that Jesus still wants that rose.

Pastor be careful how you speak on such things. Not just about sexual immorality but abortion, homosexuality, alcohol, gambling, and those other “big sins” that we forbid. Be sure to preach boldly on such things but do so to point to the redemptive power of Jesus and not to make us better people.

UPDATE: The great people at DG have now isolated this part of Matt's sermon--watch it here:

(HT: Abraham)

Perhaps this is overly simplistic but....

Sometimes counseling teenagers can cause head-scratching and heartache. Sometimes counseling my own soul can be head-scratching and heart wrenching. I have counseled numerous teenagers that were crying in my office because they could not conquer a particular sin. My wife and I have counseled girls that are struggling with "boy issues" (e.g., their immaturity, their jerkiness, and their selfishness). And I have counseled young men that are struggling with "boy issues" (lust, pornography, anger). One thing always astonishes me...and this astonishes me about my own heart as well; we wallow in sin and plead with God to stir our affections at the same time.

It seems to me that the wisest thing to do would be to flee from the sin. Usually when pressed young men can figure out the source of their lust. Unless your conscience is ridiculously seared (and that is possible) you know when you are "crossing the line". That is why if you are in union with Christ such sin is ridiculous. Please do not misunderstand me; I have a tremendous amount of compassion and empathy with young men that struggle with these issues (as well as young women that "like" guys that they shouldn't). However, there comes a time when we need to confront the ignorance behind such sin.

"I'm not sure why my girlfriend and I messed up. I mean I know we were both in our swimming suits. And I know that she probably should not have been sitting on my lap. And I guess it was silly for us to try to help out each other not get a sunburn. And yes I know the likelihood of getting a sunburn "there" is improbable. But I really prayed before we went swimming because I knew it might be tough. Do I need to read my Bible more, you think? Should I have prayed harder? I really tried not to fall into this sin, why did God not help me out more. Why did he not deliver me from evil?"

Well, you see he did. Jesus delivered you from evil when he disarmed the power of Satan on the Cross. He robbed sin of its power when he brought you out of the kingdom of darkness and transferred you into the kingdom of Jesus. The principle of death has died in your heart so you no longer have to be a slave to these passions; He has supplanted that principle of death by making you alive with Christ. He has conquered sin. The problem is you are going back to it. The problem is you run away from his kingdom and sit in the filth of the old one. And you wonder why you fall?

The prodigal son did not cry out from his pig slop "Father come save me". He remembered the steadfast love of the Father, got out of the pig slop and ran back to where he belonged. So, here is the solution: stop letting your girlfriend sit on your lap, stop rubbing her down with sun tan lotion, and stop swimming half-naked. Sin is serious and it is deceptive. But it has been defeated. Live like it.

The problem is that we sometimes secretly want the fleeting pleasures of sin. This is why we need to pray that the Lord might "stir our affections" and root out of our hearts sin and unbelief. But that prayer does not mean that you stay in the pig slop. If you are a believer the death of Christ has conquered the heart that longs for pig slop; just get out of it. And if you ever find yourself wandering back remember the love of the Father, repent, and get out of the pig slop and go read 1 John 1:9.

Today in Blogworld 12/13

One of my first stops is usually Challies. Yesterday he posted a very interesting article on The Death of Shame. "Aileen and I have continually returned to the question of why so many young people these days seem unwilling or unable to grow up. It is a question that has confused us, especially as we look to many of the young people we know. There was a time when young people seemed eager to grow up, to mature, and to head out into the world to make their mark on it. Or that is how we remember it (we were, after all, married at 21 and parents by 23). But those people now seem to be the exception more than the rule. More and more, it seems, young people (and increasingly older young people) are choosing to stay home, to stay in colleges, to earn a second or third or fourth degree. They are, it seems, refusing to grow up." To find out his conclusion continue reading.

A few days ago I mentioned my confusion about a recent post by Mark Dever. Perhaps Jonathan Leeman has provided an answer. See it here.

Jim at Old Truth has found himself in the midst of a discussion ("argument") over whether or not we should question professions of faith. This morning he pulled the Mark Dever card. "Sometimes I get the feeling that people think there's something wrong with questioning the reality of a profession of faith. It's legalistic, or judging, or holier than thou. Or something. But if evangelists want to see lost sinners saved, and if evangelists know that we sinners can deceive ourselves, then it's not surprising that we want to try to make sure (with all appropriate qualifications about our limitedness) that conversions professed are conversions possessed. Or is it just sour-faced theologians who think about such things? Are preachers who think about such things unevangelistic?" Continue reading for the answer.