Review of Shame Interrupted

A few weeks ago I saw something in the face of my son that I have experienced in my own heart a million times over; shame.  He had just done something that was rather inappropriate and it was exposed.  Nothing horrible, mind you, he’s only four.  So the things he is ashamed of are things like losing at Beyblade or accidentally running through the house naked when we have company over.  But he still experiences shame.  And on that day he wore it on his face.  It broke my heart. 

That same heart break was heightened for me over a period of time as I reflected on the first few chapters of Ed Welch’s book Shame Interrupted.  Welch takes the reader places that you probably do not want to go.  In the second chapter, Shame Exposed, Welch uncovers the mask and asks probing questions to help the reader identify shame.  I checked almost every one of them. 

Shame has (or maybe I should say “had”) become a major part of who I am as a person.  Those first chapters exposed things that I had preferred to stay in the darkness.  The Spirit of Freedom used the writing of Welch to pry those things into the light.  Reading through those first few chapters of Shame Interrupted was very difficult. 

I knew where Welch was going with this and it felt like he couldn’t get there fast enough.  But he kept probing and twisting and exposing.  Yes, in order to be healed it must be exposed.  And that is what Welch did. 

Finally, Welch takes the reader to Jesus for healing.  For the next two hundred or so pages the reader is shown how Jesus relates to our shame and ultimately how he transforms it and in the process transforms us. 

Summary

Honestly the format of the book is a little difficult to track.  I think that a clue is given in chapter 20 when Welch speaks of the “basic rhythm of life with the new King and in the new Kingdom”.  He notes that this rhythm goes like this:

Put your shame into words.

Turn to your rescuer

               Know him.

               Be associate with him.

               Get your feet washed. 

               Persevere—get ready to fight.

Turn towards others: Love. 

That is the basic structure of the book.  After exposing our shame and helping the reader “put it into words”, Welch spends the remainder of the book assisting the reader in that turn towards Jesus.  The book seems to be a little less intentional about outlining what it looks like to “turn towards others” but those principles are smattered throughout the reading. 

My Take

I read this book a few months ago.  Normally, I review books pretty quickly after reading them.  This book was different.  It was one of those life shaping books.  Those first few chapters came to me at a unique time in my life when I had just finished reading a few other books that were related to an issue from my past that I preferred to keep buried. 

Honestly, the book tormented my soul.  Not for anything Welch did that was in error.  This was a necessary bruising that I was enduring.  Eventually, I was able to begin the process of healing and plod through the rest of the book.  I wish that I could say that this book provided healing by pointing me to Jesus.  I think that perhaps it could have—but the Lord chose to use other means to provide healing.  He used Welch to provide the exposing and painful side of healing. 

Welch does do an apt job of presenting Christ.  If you came to this book raw with shame and were able to quickly go through the first six or seven chapters I think you would find immense healing.  But as it was, I came to the book somewhat cold and deadened to these events of the past.  I couldn’t quickly jaunt through those first six or seven chapters.  The Lord had me in a spot ripe for exposure and he used Welch to shine the light on my shame and force me to face it. 

Should You Buy It?

I highly recommend this book.  I would have preferred it to be a little bit shorter and hope that in the future CCEF comes out with a condensed version.  That would be easier to giveaway in counseling sessions.  As it is 352 pages can be really daunting to give to somebody. 

If you think that you do not need this book you probably do.  I doubt there will be a large line at the bookstore of people waiting to purchase a book that will completely ravage your soul, but it is necessary.  Your shame needs to be exposed. 

If your shame already has been exposed and you want to know how to find healing in Jesus then Welch is a great guide to point you to the Savior.  I believe that you will find healing in this book—or better yet, be warmly introduced to the One that will provide ultimate healing. 

You can get the book on your Kindle for under 10 bucks or the book format for 17.99 (which is worth it for a 352 page book). 

I also invite you to check out the trailer for the book:

How to Put Words to Your Shame

Ed Welch in his book, Shame Interrupted, gives a few helpful questions to ask to try to put words to a shameful event. 

What happened?

How do you still carry it with you?

• How do you feel like an outcast?
• How do you feel exposed?
• How do you feel dirty?
• How do you feel worthless, like nothing?
• How have you tried to manage these experiences in the past?
• Has Jesus ever been part of how you managed shame?

How does your shame affect your relationships with other people?

• Whom do you avoid?
• How do you cover up?
• How do you try to make up for being so bad?  For example, do you say yes to everyone, like a slave who is never good enough?  Do you avoid the Lord as a way to say, “I’m not good enough to come to you yet”? 

How does your shame affect your relationship with God?

• Is anger mixed with your sense of unworthiness?

I have found these probing questions very helpful on the path to finding healing for some of the deep seated shame that I feel in my own life.  Perhaps you will find them helpful too.  I will be reviewing Welch’s book later today.  It is one that you ought to purchase. 

The Gospel for Winter Winds

One of my favorite bands is Mumford & Sons.  Their lyrics are phenomenal.  Earlier today as I was enjoying me some Mumford & Sons this lyric started rattling around my brain and filling it with a healthy dose of pain. 

The lyric is from their song Winter Winds:

Oh the shame that sent me off from the God that I once loved
Was the same that sent me into your arms
Oh and pestilence is won when you are lost and I am gone
And no hope, no hope will overcome

I will not pretend to know the specific interpretation of this song.  For all I know Mr. Mumford and his kids could have been talking about the pain of switching from Kellog’s Corn Flakes to the generic brand.  Art is funny that way.  Yet, I do believe that this lyric spotlights something I have witnessed numerous times.  Namely, that shame drives people away from the Lord into the waiting arms of shameful lovers. 

When we sin feelings of guilt and shame come with it.  And though it’s not politically correct to admit this, we ought to feel guilt and shame when we exchange life for death.  Guilt and a sense of shame always comes with forsaking the Creator.  It’s as natural as a trip to a Chinese restaurant being followed by a date with Charmin. 

Our Shameful Response to Shame

Yet what we tend to do with our shame is similar to what Mumford suggests in this lyric: rather than running to God shame makes us run away from Him into the arms of another.  I have witnessed this countless times in the lives of those I’m discipling and even in my own heart.  There is something about shame and guilt that makes us think that unless these abominable qualities are alleviated then the Holy One will never accept us. 

Oddly enough this way of thinking is partially true.  Without atonement your shame becomes you.  That is what you do when you sin.  You exchange glory for shame.  And unless you are cleansed then it becomes your identity. 

As a result of this we run.  We hide.  We mask.  We deafen.  We pursue comfort in the accepting and approving arms of others, who like us bear the mark of shame.  The same shame that makes us run from God leads us into the arms of another. 

Yet it never satisfies.  The fellow shamed cannot heal your shame.  And so the shame, guilt, and emptiness begins to pile up.  “No hope will overcome…” 

Or so it seems. 

Jesus Christ has bore our shame.  He was shamed so that we wouldn’t have to be.  He bore the curse and endured the guilt and shame that should have been ours.  He was crucified in shame outside the city so that we could dance in freedom and joy inside the walls of glory. 

The gospel invites us to come empty. Shameful. Naked. Despised. Broken.  Abused. Foolish. Drunken. Forsaken. Guilty. 

And in Christ we find fullness.  Freedom. Covering. Honor. Glory. Healing. Life. Wholeness. Joy. Love. Grace. Peace. Holiness. Cleanliness. Forgiveness. Hope.

When you find yourself covered in shame don’t run.  Don’t mask it.  Don’t pretend it isn’t there.  Don’t try to find release or freedom or healing at any other fountain.  Turn to Christ and hope. 

And this hope will not disappoint.  Yes, this hope can overcome…

Today in Blogworld 12/13

One of my first stops is usually Challies. Yesterday he posted a very interesting article on The Death of Shame. "Aileen and I have continually returned to the question of why so many young people these days seem unwilling or unable to grow up. It is a question that has confused us, especially as we look to many of the young people we know. There was a time when young people seemed eager to grow up, to mature, and to head out into the world to make their mark on it. Or that is how we remember it (we were, after all, married at 21 and parents by 23). But those people now seem to be the exception more than the rule. More and more, it seems, young people (and increasingly older young people) are choosing to stay home, to stay in colleges, to earn a second or third or fourth degree. They are, it seems, refusing to grow up." To find out his conclusion continue reading.

A few days ago I mentioned my confusion about a recent post by Mark Dever. Perhaps Jonathan Leeman has provided an answer. See it here.

Jim at Old Truth has found himself in the midst of a discussion ("argument") over whether or not we should question professions of faith. This morning he pulled the Mark Dever card. "Sometimes I get the feeling that people think there's something wrong with questioning the reality of a profession of faith. It's legalistic, or judging, or holier than thou. Or something. But if evangelists want to see lost sinners saved, and if evangelists know that we sinners can deceive ourselves, then it's not surprising that we want to try to make sure (with all appropriate qualifications about our limitedness) that conversions professed are conversions possessed. Or is it just sour-faced theologians who think about such things? Are preachers who think about such things unevangelistic?" Continue reading for the answer.