When Cancer Hi-Jacks Your Reunion

A little over a year ago Jason Taber had supper with his sister, Tonya. This was no ordinary meal. This was the first time they had met. On Jason’s 38th birthday he reached out to his sister for the first time in his life.

Now, one year later Jason stands beside Tonya’s hospital bed as she is fighting complications from Hodgkins lymphoma*. Their story is a testimony of God’s grace and the uniting power of the gospel. Jason was kind enough to share his story with us.

Jason, can you share the back story to your relationship with Tonya? What inspired you to finally reach out to Tonya?

My birth father left me when I was a baby. I learned that I was adopted at the age of 12 or 13. I first learned that Tonya existed when she first got married about 13 years ago. I had always stayed away because I assumed that the family wanted nothing to do with me. In reality Tonya had known about me her whole life, and had prayed for the day that we would meet.

God had been working in my heart for awhile about my propensity to isolate when things get difficult. One Sunday a man from our church shared his testimony of reaching out to his estranged daughter. On November 22, 2011, my 38th birthday, I finally decided to contact Tonya. I feared that it would be awkward. It has been everything but that; it is as if we had known each other those 37 years.

Shortly after our reunion I met my dad for the first time. Or rather I saw him for the first time, he was lifeless on a hospital bed. Tonya’s relationship with him had been fractured. We were able to be there for one another during this time.

When was Tonya diagnosed with cancer?

Tonya was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma in October of 2012, just under a year of our first meeting.

What was your initial reaction?

My first reaction was a mixture of fear, anger and confusion. I was terrified to lose this person that I had just found. We had quickly filled empty spots in each others lives and become extremely close. I was also very angry and confused with God. I could not understand why He would bring us together only to take her away from me. That along with other setbacks in my life made me pull away from God and those close to me. I was becoming bitter.

About a week ago Tonya had some major complications from the cancer. Can you tell us a little about this recent trial?

About two weeks ago Tonya experienced extreme fatigue from chemotherapy treatments. On February 10th she collapsed in the shower. She was admitted to the hospital the next day. At first the doctors assumed they were treating dehydration and other deficiencies due to her weakened immune system. Little did they know an infection had taken hold, with her body having no way to fight it. On February 15th, Tonya developed a fever and labored breathing. They quickly determined that she had fluid in her lungs and feared she could be septic. Within hours she crashed, with her blood pressure dangerously low and unable to breathe.

I received the call that she had been rushed to ICU, and I needed to come quickly. Shortly thereafter the decision was made to put her on a ventilator. Things looked very bleak. For three days she was under constant sedation as they tried to kill the infection in her body. On Monday the 18th they awoke her from sedation. It took me 2 hours to get her to open her eyes. She has steadily—actually quite miraculously—improved since then. From last Wednesday on she has improved leaps and bounds every day. (Tonya was actually released yesterday, to continue recovery at home).

How have you seen God's grace during this time? 

God's grace was evident in so many areas. Tonya's immune system was completely gone, medically speaking she should not have made it. The outpouring of prayer on Facebook and in churches all over the place was an act of grace. The cancer that had caused me to isolate from God and other unbelievers, had now by the grace of God drawn hundreds of believers to my side to encourage me. There is no way on my own volition I would have done that. God was gracious to draw me to Him, and believers to me when I needed it most. It was by God's grace that Tonya received amazing care. Doctors somehow made the correct choices without even knowing what they were fighting at first.

How has this trial of suffering strengthened your relationship with Tonya? with the Lord? 

My relationship with Tonya was very strong to begin with, but this situation has made it even stronger. We lived 37 years without being able to be there for each other. We both suffer from abandonment issues due to our history with our dad. He wasn't there for her much more than he was for me. Tonya knows now that even in the worst circumstances, I will never leave her side. Watching my sister through a window, many mornings at 3 or 4am, struggling to just take each breath, made me realize just how much that I love this person.

These same times alone in the morning, also strengthened my relationship with God. I was at a point where I was helpless to do anything. All I could do was cry out to God to save my sister. Sometimes I didn't even have words, just sobs or tears. In the beginning, I felt alone without my sister. By the end, it was obvious that God has carried Tonya and the family through. We had given everything, we were drained and weary. He picked us up each time that we felt like we couldn't go on. I feel ashamed for pushing God away while I attempted to fix all my problems on my own. I have no doubt that it was only by God that Tonya was healed. His grace and love was so great that at times it felt like being hit by a truck. It was overwhelming each time Tonya was able to do something she had no business being able to do. This is one of those markers in life I can look back on and say “look what God did!”

What is one thing that you would say to estranged siblings?

For those who know they have a sibling out there, don't ever give up. Tonya prayed for years to have a relationship with me, her brother. For those scared to reach out, take the risk, it is worth it. For years, I missed out on a relationship with an incredible woman, my sister. I was held back by fear. We have a God who forgives, and who heals broken relationships. Pray!!!  I can't say enough about Tonya praying and the faithfulness of God to hear that prayer.

Lastly, how can people get involved? How can we pray?

Pray for Tonya to continue gaining strength. Also, she does still have cancer. Pray that she can get rid of the cancer when her strength returns. Pray also for her three young children.

If you are interested in further updates to the story, or to know how to pray with more information, you are invited to join the Praying for Tonya Hief page.

--

*Tonya was actually released from the hospital yesterday to continue her recovery at home.

How I Explained the God-centeredness of God to a Group of Teenagers

All of the Sunday school classes in our church are going through The Gospel Project.  Last week we reflected on the statement, “In all God does, His first aim is to glorify himself”.  I asked the students whether they agreed with that or not. 

Some of them dutifully nodded their heads.  A few expressed consternation.  Something didn’t seem quite right about that statement.  So in an attempt to get everyone a little uncomfortable with this truth I shared with them a bogus reason for preaching the gospel. (Part of the illustration I tweaked from this Piper sermon)

I told them that my hopes in preaching that morning was that whenever I was finished everybody would give me a standing ovation and bask in my awesomeness.  I told them that every point that I made I expect worship for my artistry.  Whenever I make a point that is helpful to them it is my hope that they will continue to realize that I am a storehouse of helpfulness and that they will continue to come back to me for all their information.  My goal that morning in preaching is simply for their praise. 

They were, rightly, appalled. 

Then I shared with them a little from Ephesians 1.  I had them note that according to this text the fundamental reason why God does what He does in our redemption is “to the praise of his glorious grace”.  That means that God saves us and does us good ultimately so that we might give him a standing ovation when he is finished. 

Is that appalling? 

It seems that way at first doesn’t it?  Because when humans do things like that it seems off putting.  But it’s off-putting simply because we are not the most wonderful and precious being in the universe.  God is.  And to make anything else our hearts treasure and joy is fundamentally ripping ourselves off.  So, God is deeply loving to be God-centered and to transform our hearts in such a way that we are too. 

The Loveliness of the God-centeredness of God Illustrated

I feared they were a little confused still, so I tried sharing an illustration. 

Imagine that you and your family were going on a trip.  You pick the destination.  Pick something beautiful.  Something that would be breathtaking.  You can go to see the Grand Canyon.  Or a beautiful national park.  Or travelling in space.  Or seeing Niagra Falls.  Or the Rocky Mountains.  Or travelling overseas to see all of the awesome history, architecture, and things that you cannot see here in America.  Now imagine—which ever of these amazing places that you want to vacation--that your parents have one stipulation…

The entire time you have to stare at a mirror.  Everyone else in the family enjoys the beautiful sunset.  The glaciers.  The caves.  The mountain peaks.  But for the entire trip, except for driving through Kansas, you have to look at this mirror. 

You know that is a rip off because even though you are “the crown of creation” and uniquely made in the image of God it’s not your physical being that’s so awesome.  It’s that you are part of something bigger.  You weren’t made to spend your life looking in a mirror.  You were made to worship.  You were made to see these great and grand things, to marvel, and to see the beauty of the Creator.  It’s loving to let you enjoy the Grand Canyon and to be swept up by it’s magnificence. 

How much more, then, the Lord of glory who created the Grand Canyon? 

God’s Happy Little Trees

I love watching Bob Ross paint his happy little trees.  However, on occasion Bob will do something that really bothers me emotionally.  What almost killed me was that Ross would paint a very intricate and beautiful mountain, or a bunch of happy little trees on a mountain ridge and then…I’m getting all worked up remember it…he would practically destroy the thing by putting a big fat tree that covers almost everything he just painted. 

For a solid 10 minutes I’d sit there shocked and quivering and not able to enjoy my Fruit Loops while I watched this afro-wearin’ painter make something beautiful and then taunt me by destroying it.  Then slowly…ever so slowly…I started seeing what he had already created in his mind 15 minutes ago.  Suddenly what seemed like a disaster turned into a masterpiece. 

Bob, you beautiful genius, you did it again!

I think the Lord paints the same way as Bob Ross.  You get the idea from Ephesians (2:10, 3:7-13) that God is painting this beautiful masterpiece of redemption.  He is displaying on the canvas of history a bunch of happy little trees that resound to his glory.  At times it is absolutely beautiful and looks almost complete. 

But then…

He does the unthinkable.  He covers up those happy little trees with that squirrel-infested log it looks a bit unbecoming.  We were comfortable with the happy little trees of buzz words like “gospel-centrality”.  We thought the picture was nearing completion and filled to the brink with beauty.  Then the Master decided to draw a big fat tree of emphasizing holiness right in the middle of it. 

We did not know it but the canvas was not complete.  It was missing something.  And so He continues painting.  Sometimes, in our view spoiling things that seemed quite beautiful only to emphasize something that at first looks detestable. 

But He keeps painting.

With his Paul’s, his Augustine’s, his Monica’s, his Benedictine monks, his his Luther’s, Edwards’, Newton’s, Moody’s, Graham, Pipers.  And covering them with his praying widow, his baking grannies, his humble maintenance men, and his weary pastors.  Some shine more than others but all are essential.  They each emphasize something different that would be an incomplete canvas without their presence. 

History moves back and forth with each stroke.  And often making a watching and waiting church quite uncomfortable.  Yet, he keeps painting. 

And when the Lord gets done with his painting, all of creation will sit back and say, Lord, you beautiful genius, you did it again!

--

If you aren’t familiar with Bob Ross here he is remixed:

Boring Heaven?

    And around the throne, on each side of the throne, are four living creatures, full of eyes in front and behind: the first living creature like a lion, the second living creature like an ox, the third living creature with the face of a man, and the fourth living creature like an eagle in flight. And the four living creatures, each of them with six wings, are full of eyes all around and within, and day and night they never cease to say,
    “Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty,
        who was and is and is to come!”
(Revelation 4:6-8 ESV)

I have to make a confession.  When I was relatively new to the faith this verse scared me.  It scared me because I pictured heaven as nothing more than us sitting before the Lord and singing the same chorus of the same worship song over and over for all of eternity. 

I had wondered about playing baseball.  Walking on streets of gold.  Asking questions of Moses.  And what about hangin’ with my granny and my faithful dog Giblet.  (And what about finally asking Giblet’s previous owner what in the world they were thinking with a name like Giblet). 

But singing one chorus of one song for all of eternity like these twenty four elders?  That seemed more boring than I could endure.  Surely heaven will not be only this. 

I was an idiot. 

The twenty four elders aren’t singing “Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come” because they signed up for that assignment on the day when the roll was called up yonder.  These twenty four elders are doing this because their vision of the Lord is so grand that it is the only fitting response.  They are doing exactly what they want to do as they are overcome with joy. 

It’s hard to fathom that something…Somebody…could be so magnificent and beautiful and breathtaking that all you would want to do for all of eternity is lie prostrate and never cease saying “Holy, holy, holy”.  Yet, this is the God that we serve.  Heaven is going to be so amazing because we will finally see the Lord for who he is and the only thing coming forth from our lips will be a rendition of the chorus of these twenty four elders. 

Holy, Holy, Holy! 

When Lady Wisdom is Mute (Part 2)

I rejected Lady Wisdom’s counsel.  I find myself eating the rancid fruit of a prideful deafness to her pleas.  So I pray for wisdom.  But I am met with silence and even more confusion. 

Why isn’t God giving me wisdom? 

Probably because I have already shown that I do not value wisdom.  If comes and brings wisdom the second that I ask for it while I’m in the pit then I will not grow to value it.  I will make the same mistake next time.  What I need isn’t necessarily wisdom at this point.  I need rescue, I need redemption, I need repentance, I need discipline. 

And because God is a good and wise Father he doles out exactly the measure of discipline and grace that we need.  He lets us walk in the wilderness for awhile.  He makes us long for wisdom. 

A story is told of Socrates that goes like this:

One day a dispassionate young man approached the Greek philosopher and casually said, 'O great Socrates, I come to you for knowledge.'

The philosopher took the young man down to the sea, waded in with him, and then dunked him under the water for thirty seconds. When he let the young man up for air, Socrates asked him to repeat what he wanted. 'Knowledge, O great one,' he sputtered.

Socrates put him under the water again, only this time a little longer.

After repeated dunkings and responses, the philosopher asked, 'What do you want?' The young man finally gasped, 'Air. I want air!' 'Good,' answered Socrates. 'Now, when you want knowledge as much as you wanted air, you shall have it.'

Our hearts are so dull that until we are made desperate for wisdom—until we have eaten the sour fruit of rejecting wisdom—we will value our own dull-headed sensibilities above the pleas of Lady Wisdom. 

That is why after a season of rejecting counsel we often have to walk in the wilderness for awhile. 

Yet, Christ is deeper still…

When Sovereignty Evokes Terror

“But he is unchangeable, and who can turn him back?  What he desires, that he does.  For he will complete what he appoints for me, and many such things are in his mind.”  (Job 23:13-14)

What comes next? 

“Therefore, I am joyously content…”?

“Therefore, I will trust Him…”?

“Therefore, I can relax…”?

Nope.

“Therefore, I am terrified at his presence; when I consider, I am in dread of him.  God has made my heart faint; the Almighty has terrified me…”

Job 23:13-14 is only good news if “God is for us”.  If you are convinced, like Job, that “the arrows of the Almighty” are in you, and if you have no knowledge that there is an “arbiter to lay his hand on us both”, then the immutability and power of God is something that evokes terror rather than peace.

This is why a good amount of our counseling of hurting people (including ourselves) is to buttress—or establish--a confidence in the goodness of God.  Furthermore, our hearts and minds must be readjusted to believe that our greatest good is conformity to Jesus and drinking from the fountain of God’s sustaining grace. 

Here comes a really weird transition statement…

I almost killed a guy once. 

It was not intentional.  Total accident.  I was playing church league slow-pitch softball and hit a rocket to third base.  The ball hit something, took a bad hop, and absolutely jacked the face of the third baseman.  (Actually one of my former students, that I had poured a good amount of time into).  He was hurt pretty bad but I left the ball park, feeling pretty bad but convinced that I had only broken his nose. 

A few hours later the news turned grim.  Apparently he had some sort of condition that made that part of his cranium softer than normal.  He now had swelling on his brain and it was looking pretty serious.  Needless to say, I was pretty shaken up. 

During this time someone assured me “God is in control”.  They pretty much told me Job 23:13-14.  My response was similar to Job’s…terror.  I knew that God was more dedicated to His glory than He was to my unblemished not-accidentally-killing-a-guy record.  I knew that He could very well allow my friend to die and I would be (in part) the reason, though accidentally. 

Again, the counsel that I needed was not “God is in control”.  The counsel that I needed was that “God is good”.  I needed to know that he would withhold no good thing from me.  I needed to be reminded that all things work together for good (fundamentally conformity to Christ). 

Thankfully the story is that I almost killed a guy once.  But I learned a valuable lesson during that time—that often it is the goodness and not the sovereignty of God that suffering people must be graciously reminded of.