When Cancer Hi-Jacks Your Reunion

A little over a year ago Jason Taber had supper with his sister, Tonya. This was no ordinary meal. This was the first time they had met. On Jason’s 38th birthday he reached out to his sister for the first time in his life.

Now, one year later Jason stands beside Tonya’s hospital bed as she is fighting complications from Hodgkins lymphoma*. Their story is a testimony of God’s grace and the uniting power of the gospel. Jason was kind enough to share his story with us.

Jason, can you share the back story to your relationship with Tonya? What inspired you to finally reach out to Tonya?

My birth father left me when I was a baby. I learned that I was adopted at the age of 12 or 13. I first learned that Tonya existed when she first got married about 13 years ago. I had always stayed away because I assumed that the family wanted nothing to do with me. In reality Tonya had known about me her whole life, and had prayed for the day that we would meet.

God had been working in my heart for awhile about my propensity to isolate when things get difficult. One Sunday a man from our church shared his testimony of reaching out to his estranged daughter. On November 22, 2011, my 38th birthday, I finally decided to contact Tonya. I feared that it would be awkward. It has been everything but that; it is as if we had known each other those 37 years.

Shortly after our reunion I met my dad for the first time. Or rather I saw him for the first time, he was lifeless on a hospital bed. Tonya’s relationship with him had been fractured. We were able to be there for one another during this time.

When was Tonya diagnosed with cancer?

Tonya was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma in October of 2012, just under a year of our first meeting.

What was your initial reaction?

My first reaction was a mixture of fear, anger and confusion. I was terrified to lose this person that I had just found. We had quickly filled empty spots in each others lives and become extremely close. I was also very angry and confused with God. I could not understand why He would bring us together only to take her away from me. That along with other setbacks in my life made me pull away from God and those close to me. I was becoming bitter.

About a week ago Tonya had some major complications from the cancer. Can you tell us a little about this recent trial?

About two weeks ago Tonya experienced extreme fatigue from chemotherapy treatments. On February 10th she collapsed in the shower. She was admitted to the hospital the next day. At first the doctors assumed they were treating dehydration and other deficiencies due to her weakened immune system. Little did they know an infection had taken hold, with her body having no way to fight it. On February 15th, Tonya developed a fever and labored breathing. They quickly determined that she had fluid in her lungs and feared she could be septic. Within hours she crashed, with her blood pressure dangerously low and unable to breathe.

I received the call that she had been rushed to ICU, and I needed to come quickly. Shortly thereafter the decision was made to put her on a ventilator. Things looked very bleak. For three days she was under constant sedation as they tried to kill the infection in her body. On Monday the 18th they awoke her from sedation. It took me 2 hours to get her to open her eyes. She has steadily—actually quite miraculously—improved since then. From last Wednesday on she has improved leaps and bounds every day. (Tonya was actually released yesterday, to continue recovery at home).

How have you seen God's grace during this time? 

God's grace was evident in so many areas. Tonya's immune system was completely gone, medically speaking she should not have made it. The outpouring of prayer on Facebook and in churches all over the place was an act of grace. The cancer that had caused me to isolate from God and other unbelievers, had now by the grace of God drawn hundreds of believers to my side to encourage me. There is no way on my own volition I would have done that. God was gracious to draw me to Him, and believers to me when I needed it most. It was by God's grace that Tonya received amazing care. Doctors somehow made the correct choices without even knowing what they were fighting at first.

How has this trial of suffering strengthened your relationship with Tonya? with the Lord? 

My relationship with Tonya was very strong to begin with, but this situation has made it even stronger. We lived 37 years without being able to be there for each other. We both suffer from abandonment issues due to our history with our dad. He wasn't there for her much more than he was for me. Tonya knows now that even in the worst circumstances, I will never leave her side. Watching my sister through a window, many mornings at 3 or 4am, struggling to just take each breath, made me realize just how much that I love this person.

These same times alone in the morning, also strengthened my relationship with God. I was at a point where I was helpless to do anything. All I could do was cry out to God to save my sister. Sometimes I didn't even have words, just sobs or tears. In the beginning, I felt alone without my sister. By the end, it was obvious that God has carried Tonya and the family through. We had given everything, we were drained and weary. He picked us up each time that we felt like we couldn't go on. I feel ashamed for pushing God away while I attempted to fix all my problems on my own. I have no doubt that it was only by God that Tonya was healed. His grace and love was so great that at times it felt like being hit by a truck. It was overwhelming each time Tonya was able to do something she had no business being able to do. This is one of those markers in life I can look back on and say “look what God did!”

What is one thing that you would say to estranged siblings?

For those who know they have a sibling out there, don't ever give up. Tonya prayed for years to have a relationship with me, her brother. For those scared to reach out, take the risk, it is worth it. For years, I missed out on a relationship with an incredible woman, my sister. I was held back by fear. We have a God who forgives, and who heals broken relationships. Pray!!!  I can't say enough about Tonya praying and the faithfulness of God to hear that prayer.

Lastly, how can people get involved? How can we pray?

Pray for Tonya to continue gaining strength. Also, she does still have cancer. Pray that she can get rid of the cancer when her strength returns. Pray also for her three young children.

If you are interested in further updates to the story, or to know how to pray with more information, you are invited to join the Praying for Tonya Hief page.

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*Tonya was actually released from the hospital yesterday to continue her recovery at home.

Counsel to a Friend with Cancer

The following is a modernized and de-Britainized version of John Newton’s letter to Mr. B in 1774.  I have tried to keep my changing of the words minimal but I have reformatted some to make it more readable for a blog entry as well.

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My Dearest Sir,

I see the necessity of having, if possible, my beliefs upon my fingertips, so that I may apply them as I need them every hour.  Certainly, if my ability matched my desire, I would remove your tumor with a word or a touch; I would instantly take away every pain and inconvenience forever. 

But you are in the hands of One who could do all this and more, and who loves you infinitely better than I can do, and yet He is pleased to permit you to suffer. 

What can we conclude from this? 

Certainly, that at this time, He, to whom all of the history is present in one view, sees better for you to have this tumor than to be without it; for I have no more idea of tumor rising (or any other incidental trial coming upon you), without a cause, without a need-be, without a designed advantage to result from it, than I have a mountain or pyramid rising up of its own accord in the middle of Salisbury Plain. 

The promise is clear, and literally true, that all things, universally and without exception, shall work together for good to them that love God.  But they work together: the smallest as well as the greatest events have their place and use, like several stones in the arch of a bridge, where no one would by itself be useful, but every one in its place is necessary to the structure and support of the arch. 

Or, rather, it is like the movement of a watch, where, though there obviously are some pieces more important than others, yet the smallest pieces have their place and use, and are so far equally important, that the watch could not work if they were not present. 

Some acts and turns of Divine Providence may be compared to the main spring or big wheels, which have a more visible, sensible, and determining influence upon the whole direction of our lives: but the more ordinary occurrences of every day are at least pins and pivots, adjusted, timed, and suited with equal accuracy, by the hand of the same great Artist who planned and executes the whole.

We are sometimes surprised to see how much more depends and turns upon these “lesser things” than we are aware of.  Then we admire his skill, and say “he has done all things well.”  Indeed, with respect to his works of providence, as well as of creation, he well deserves the title of “The Very Greatest in the Least”.

Such thoughts as these, when I am enabled to realize them, in some measure reconcile me to what he allots for myself or my friends, and convinces me of truthfulness of that statement, which speaks the language of love as well as authority, “Be still, and know that I am God.” 

I sympathize with you in your trial, and pray and trust that your Shepherd will be your Physician; will oversee and bless the use of means; will give you in his good time health and cure, and at all times reveal unto you abundance of peace.  His promises and power are necessary for our preservation in the better times, and they are likewise sufficient for the roughest. 

We are always equally in danger in ourselves, and always equally safe under the shadow of his wings.  No storms, assaults, sieges, or pestilences, can hurt us, till we have filled up his appointed measure of service; and when our work is done, and he has ripened us for glory, it is no great matter by what means he is pleased to call us home to himself. 

I have only room to present our join and sincerest respects.  The Lord bless you all.