When Cancer Hi-Jacks Your Reunion

A little over a year ago Jason Taber had supper with his sister, Tonya. This was no ordinary meal. This was the first time they had met. On Jason’s 38th birthday he reached out to his sister for the first time in his life.

Now, one year later Jason stands beside Tonya’s hospital bed as she is fighting complications from Hodgkins lymphoma*. Their story is a testimony of God’s grace and the uniting power of the gospel. Jason was kind enough to share his story with us.

Jason, can you share the back story to your relationship with Tonya? What inspired you to finally reach out to Tonya?

My birth father left me when I was a baby. I learned that I was adopted at the age of 12 or 13. I first learned that Tonya existed when she first got married about 13 years ago. I had always stayed away because I assumed that the family wanted nothing to do with me. In reality Tonya had known about me her whole life, and had prayed for the day that we would meet.

God had been working in my heart for awhile about my propensity to isolate when things get difficult. One Sunday a man from our church shared his testimony of reaching out to his estranged daughter. On November 22, 2011, my 38th birthday, I finally decided to contact Tonya. I feared that it would be awkward. It has been everything but that; it is as if we had known each other those 37 years.

Shortly after our reunion I met my dad for the first time. Or rather I saw him for the first time, he was lifeless on a hospital bed. Tonya’s relationship with him had been fractured. We were able to be there for one another during this time.

When was Tonya diagnosed with cancer?

Tonya was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma in October of 2012, just under a year of our first meeting.

What was your initial reaction?

My first reaction was a mixture of fear, anger and confusion. I was terrified to lose this person that I had just found. We had quickly filled empty spots in each others lives and become extremely close. I was also very angry and confused with God. I could not understand why He would bring us together only to take her away from me. That along with other setbacks in my life made me pull away from God and those close to me. I was becoming bitter.

About a week ago Tonya had some major complications from the cancer. Can you tell us a little about this recent trial?

About two weeks ago Tonya experienced extreme fatigue from chemotherapy treatments. On February 10th she collapsed in the shower. She was admitted to the hospital the next day. At first the doctors assumed they were treating dehydration and other deficiencies due to her weakened immune system. Little did they know an infection had taken hold, with her body having no way to fight it. On February 15th, Tonya developed a fever and labored breathing. They quickly determined that she had fluid in her lungs and feared she could be septic. Within hours she crashed, with her blood pressure dangerously low and unable to breathe.

I received the call that she had been rushed to ICU, and I needed to come quickly. Shortly thereafter the decision was made to put her on a ventilator. Things looked very bleak. For three days she was under constant sedation as they tried to kill the infection in her body. On Monday the 18th they awoke her from sedation. It took me 2 hours to get her to open her eyes. She has steadily—actually quite miraculously—improved since then. From last Wednesday on she has improved leaps and bounds every day. (Tonya was actually released yesterday, to continue recovery at home).

How have you seen God's grace during this time? 

God's grace was evident in so many areas. Tonya's immune system was completely gone, medically speaking she should not have made it. The outpouring of prayer on Facebook and in churches all over the place was an act of grace. The cancer that had caused me to isolate from God and other unbelievers, had now by the grace of God drawn hundreds of believers to my side to encourage me. There is no way on my own volition I would have done that. God was gracious to draw me to Him, and believers to me when I needed it most. It was by God's grace that Tonya received amazing care. Doctors somehow made the correct choices without even knowing what they were fighting at first.

How has this trial of suffering strengthened your relationship with Tonya? with the Lord? 

My relationship with Tonya was very strong to begin with, but this situation has made it even stronger. We lived 37 years without being able to be there for each other. We both suffer from abandonment issues due to our history with our dad. He wasn't there for her much more than he was for me. Tonya knows now that even in the worst circumstances, I will never leave her side. Watching my sister through a window, many mornings at 3 or 4am, struggling to just take each breath, made me realize just how much that I love this person.

These same times alone in the morning, also strengthened my relationship with God. I was at a point where I was helpless to do anything. All I could do was cry out to God to save my sister. Sometimes I didn't even have words, just sobs or tears. In the beginning, I felt alone without my sister. By the end, it was obvious that God has carried Tonya and the family through. We had given everything, we were drained and weary. He picked us up each time that we felt like we couldn't go on. I feel ashamed for pushing God away while I attempted to fix all my problems on my own. I have no doubt that it was only by God that Tonya was healed. His grace and love was so great that at times it felt like being hit by a truck. It was overwhelming each time Tonya was able to do something she had no business being able to do. This is one of those markers in life I can look back on and say “look what God did!”

What is one thing that you would say to estranged siblings?

For those who know they have a sibling out there, don't ever give up. Tonya prayed for years to have a relationship with me, her brother. For those scared to reach out, take the risk, it is worth it. For years, I missed out on a relationship with an incredible woman, my sister. I was held back by fear. We have a God who forgives, and who heals broken relationships. Pray!!!  I can't say enough about Tonya praying and the faithfulness of God to hear that prayer.

Lastly, how can people get involved? How can we pray?

Pray for Tonya to continue gaining strength. Also, she does still have cancer. Pray that she can get rid of the cancer when her strength returns. Pray also for her three young children.

If you are interested in further updates to the story, or to know how to pray with more information, you are invited to join the Praying for Tonya Hief page.

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*Tonya was actually released from the hospital yesterday to continue her recovery at home.

From Woe to Go

“Woe is me! For I am lost…”

I had a very embarrassing “date” one time. I went with a group of friends to a bowling alley. No, the fact that I went to a bowling alley wasn’t the embarrassing part. What shamed me was the presence of black lights.

When I left my dorm room I looked pretty fly in my black shirt and Levi’s. However, by the time that I got to the bowling alley and found myself under the hateful glare of those black lights I had somehow developed a horrible case of psoriasis, spilled bleach on my pants, and had a stain on my shirt that looked like Gary Coleman leg wrestling an ostrich.

Black lights have a way of exposing flaws that are hidden in regular lights. Every blemish on my clothes screamed out at the crowd to laugh at me. Now I know that only idiots wear black clothes to an event featuring a black light.

Isaiah the prophet had a similar experience (though intensely magnified) in Isaiah 6. Upon his vision of the “King, the LORD of hosts” Isaiah says “Woe is me! For I am lost”. Before this vision Isaiah probably felt himself to be a pretty good chap with a pretty wholesome tongue. But when he finds himself in the penetrating holiness of Yahweh his sinfulness and inadequacy to be in the presence of the Lord is glaringly obvious. Isaiah feels as if he is being ripped asunder. He cannot get low enough. It seems as if everything within him wants to hide but there is no place to go and so he does the only fitting thing—he pronounces a curse upon himself.

When a sinner, like Isaiah, has a true vision of the splendor and majesty of Yahweh his only one fitting response is brokenness and contrition at the ugliness of his sin.

Thankfully, for Isaiah and us, the story does not end there. The Lord in His grace touches Isaiah’s mouth and says, “Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away, and your sin atoned for”. Isaiah is clean. Somehow this sinful prophet is able to now stand in the presence of Yahweh. Isaiah is not only confronted with God’s majesty and splendor and terrifying holiness. He is also confronted with God’s life-changing grace.

“Here am I! Send me”

One verse after Isaiah’s cleansing is his commissioning. Notice that in verse 5 when confronted by the Lord’s holiness Isaiah is groveling upon the floor trying to find some portal to escape. He is undone. He does not want to be seen. He wants to be come nothing, to be annihilated if that is possible.

Now notice Isaiah in verse 8. It seems as if he is like the kid in fourth grade that kept raising her hand saying, “pick me, pick me, pick me”! He wants to be noticed. He wants to be used. That is what grace does. It turns brokenness into bold missional fervor.

Yet, I wonder how many of us act as if we are still living in Isaiah 6:5, “woe is me”. There are at least two reasons why we would not have scores of people in our churches saying “here am I! send me”. One is that our God is not big enough. Missional fervor comes after brokenness before the Lord’s presence. It seems to me that God seldom uses people in mighty ways until people become utterly convinced that there is no way that God could possibly use someone as vile and dirty as them.

The second reason why people aren’t shouting out “Here am I! send me” is because we see sin where God sees grace. Some people are convinced that they are vile and dirty and there is no way that God can use them. And so they sit there saying “woe is me”. But if God has taken away your guilt and your sin has been atoned for, you had better not be saying “woe is me”. You aren’t vile and dirty and unable to be used by God. You are redeemed. Therefore, our only fitting response is “Here am I! Send me”. 

God’s powerful grace turns woe into go.

God’s Happy Little Trees

I love watching Bob Ross paint his happy little trees.  However, on occasion Bob will do something that really bothers me emotionally.  What almost killed me was that Ross would paint a very intricate and beautiful mountain, or a bunch of happy little trees on a mountain ridge and then…I’m getting all worked up remember it…he would practically destroy the thing by putting a big fat tree that covers almost everything he just painted. 

For a solid 10 minutes I’d sit there shocked and quivering and not able to enjoy my Fruit Loops while I watched this afro-wearin’ painter make something beautiful and then taunt me by destroying it.  Then slowly…ever so slowly…I started seeing what he had already created in his mind 15 minutes ago.  Suddenly what seemed like a disaster turned into a masterpiece. 

Bob, you beautiful genius, you did it again!

I think the Lord paints the same way as Bob Ross.  You get the idea from Ephesians (2:10, 3:7-13) that God is painting this beautiful masterpiece of redemption.  He is displaying on the canvas of history a bunch of happy little trees that resound to his glory.  At times it is absolutely beautiful and looks almost complete. 

But then…

He does the unthinkable.  He covers up those happy little trees with that squirrel-infested log it looks a bit unbecoming.  We were comfortable with the happy little trees of buzz words like “gospel-centrality”.  We thought the picture was nearing completion and filled to the brink with beauty.  Then the Master decided to draw a big fat tree of emphasizing holiness right in the middle of it. 

We did not know it but the canvas was not complete.  It was missing something.  And so He continues painting.  Sometimes, in our view spoiling things that seemed quite beautiful only to emphasize something that at first looks detestable. 

But He keeps painting.

With his Paul’s, his Augustine’s, his Monica’s, his Benedictine monks, his his Luther’s, Edwards’, Newton’s, Moody’s, Graham, Pipers.  And covering them with his praying widow, his baking grannies, his humble maintenance men, and his weary pastors.  Some shine more than others but all are essential.  They each emphasize something different that would be an incomplete canvas without their presence. 

History moves back and forth with each stroke.  And often making a watching and waiting church quite uncomfortable.  Yet, he keeps painting. 

And when the Lord gets done with his painting, all of creation will sit back and say, Lord, you beautiful genius, you did it again!

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If you aren’t familiar with Bob Ross here he is remixed:

Update on Nikki

A few months ago I had a prayer request for my wife. It was thought that she had a condition whereas she would be required to undergo a C-section to birth our child. At our doctor's appointment Wednesday we found out that everything had moved to where it needed to be. Looks like the bed rest helped and that we are experiencing God's great hand of mercy! We are thankful that the Lord has heard our prayers and that He has chosen to glorify Himself through a natural childbirth. We truly get far better than we deserve!