Conquering the Lonely Grave

Darkness.

Deadness.

A lonely grave.

That is what I feel when I say I’m battling depression. I feel almost nothing; save for that tinge of guilt and remorse that I feel for feeling nothing. Beauty is lost. Almost everything seems pointless and hopeless.

Somewhere in the recess of my being I know that the darkness is distorting everything. Yet that small voice of reason is silenced by the apathetic screams in my head. Occasionally I experience fear that the darkness will not break and this ever-pursuing monster will finally swallow me whole.

I read Psalm 88 today.

At least seven times. Not because seven is some holy number but because I could not pull myself away from it. I labored over the words for some twenty minutes and found myself slowly feeling. If one can somehow feel darkness, that is.

I begin to feel a bit of companionship with the one whose only companion is darkness. I realize that in all of his lament his only petition is that the Lord might hear him. It’s as if he is saying, “I just need to know that I’m not utterly forsaken”.

There is great faith in this Psalmist. It looks weak. It looks detestable but it’s about as golden as you can get. It is faith in the darkness. Faith when there is no light. In v.13 he continues to cry to the Lord and once again is met with the hidden face of the Lord. He concludes that his only companion is darkness. Not the Lord. Not his beloved. Not his friends. He’s alone except for his darkness.

Suddenly the lights start to flicker…

This Psalmist is the Lord Jesus. If anyone has been able to truly pray Psalm 88 it is the Suffering Servant. The One that was smitten. Forsaken. Crushed by the Lord. It was He that said, “my soul is very sorrowful, even to death”. This is Jesus’ prayer of affliction.

Then I realize that no matter how deep in the pit I descend (v.6) I know that the Lord Jesus has sank further. And I remember that He did not stay there. I remember that the God of my salvation does indeed “work wonders for the dead”? I know that I share in His resurrection.

This means far more than being rescued from depression. I might have to wander around for awhile groping in the darkness, carrying around deadness in my being. But that is not the end of the story. I’ll be rescued from far more than depression. I’m being rescued from death itself and everything that is dark.

The One whose only companion truly was darkness plunged the depths so that this Psalm would never actually be true for me. It only feels like darkness is my sole companion. It’s not. Jesus is there. In the darkness. In the midst of my deadness. Fully present in His love and conquering grace.

He conquered the lonely grave. I can’t. And thankfully I don’t have to.

Poem From a Dying 9 Year Old Boy

I find myself today reading the Life and Writings of Mrs. Jane Dawson of Lancaster.  I skipped across this because of my weekly time with my dear friend John Newton.  My heart is warmed by reading the account of Jane Flower (later to be Mrs. Dawson).  Her letter to her parents at the age of 11 is astonishing and one that in our times we would expect to come from the pen of perhaps a college student.  I am further blown away by the dying poem of her little brother George. 

At 9 and a half years old a dying George quipped these words to his mother:

Christ is my portion and my all,

I need not fear, I shall not fall;

Nor need I fear what all the world can do,

Since Christ can fight and make---subdue. 

He’s not repeating a song, mind you.  He made that up moments before his death.  “Even your young men shall see visions…”  It’s amazing to see the work of the Spirit in the 1700’s Comforting and Guiding these little children.  This is encouraging me to pray for an outpouring of God’s favor and grace upon my children that they might see the beauty of Christ and live solely for His glory.

Tornadoes, Death, and the Goodness of God

Tornadoes ripped through Joplin, MO this past weekend.  Over 100 hundred people died. 

My wife’s grandmother battled cancer for years and finally “lost” that battle on Tuesday. 

Those are only two of the events of suffering that happened in the last few days.  There were many more.  Somebody’s daughter was raped.  A little boy lost his father.  A child died of starvation.  A young man lost his job.  A little girl’s puppy ran away.  Suffering, suffering, suffering. 

Yet there was also sunshine.  Some little girls puppy came home.  A young man finally secured a job to support his family.  A child on the brink of starvation was rescued and adopted.  A little boy was reunited with his estranged father.  A dad joyously gave his daughter to away to a godly young man.  Joy, joy, joy. 

The truth is you never know which paragraph you will be in.  And furthermore, the paragraph break isn’t always so noticeable.  Sometimes you have joy in the midst of suffering.  Sometimes your joy is a tad bittersweet (like the father giving away his daughter in marriage). 

There is one thing that we all hold in common.  We’ll be in both paragraphs at some time or another.  In the good times it can be easy to forget that these are blessings and grace that come from a very good Father.  And in those really dark times it can be easy to forget that God is good and that the Judge of the earth ALWAYS does what is right. 

It seems to me that I always vacillate between believing God’s power to the exclusion of God’s love or I believe God’s love to the exclusion of God’s power.  But the biblical narrative is that God is not only powerful He is also loving and He is also good.  In other words God is powerful enough to accomplish His loving purposes. 

Good and Powerful in Genesis 18

At the beginning of Genesis 18 we see the Lord revealing His plan to Sarah.  Within one year Sarah, who is “advanced in years”—and according to her own proclamation “worn out”—will have a son.  Her response is a doubting type of laughter: “Seriously?!  It can’t happen.  I’m too old.”  Sarah will slowly be learning that God is powerful and can do what he wants. 

At the end of Genesis 18 we see the Lord revealing His plan to Abraham—concerning Sodom.  He is going to destroy them.  Abraham was a tad confused.  “How could God sweep away the righteous with the unrighteous”, Abraham thought.  So, he begins to barter a little with God.  He stops at “if there are ten righteous people” in Sodom.  Abraham is slowly learning that God is good—He’d never destroy Sodom if they were righteous. 

So, this (and numerous other places in Scripture) leaves me with this one conclusion.  The sovereign Judge of the universe will always do what is right and He is powerful enough to do that which is right. 

What does that mean for tornadoes and a dead grandmother? 

I’m only left with one option: trusting a good and powerful God that promises He will eventually work all things together so that we are more than conquerors through Christ Jesus.  It would be one thing to help us “get through” the suffering.  But God promises to do more.  He promises to turn those bad things on their head so that eventually somehow tornadoes and dead grandma’s are actually a GOOD thing because they brought us into conformity with Jesus—and this is our GREATEST good. 

Death is Dead for a Dying Woman

“God raised him up, loosing the pangs of death, because it was not possible for him to be held by it” (Acts 2:24).

This past weekend my wife and I had the opportunity to spend time with her grandmother.  Her grandmother is dying of cancer.  The doctors say that she has a couple of months left to live.  Our son, Isaiah (3), understands that “grandma is sick”.  Knowing this Isaiah requested that we pray that Grandma gets feeling better. 

After praying I realized that I need to explain to Isaiah that God is probably going to answer his prayer in a way that is much different than he thinks.  I explained to him that sometimes people get so sick that in order to heal them and make them feel better God has to take them to heaven.  I then explained a little about heaven (intermediate heaven I guess you could say) and how God was eventually going to fix all of our brokenness. 

I am not certain how much of this Isaiah was able to grasp.  I am also not certain that I what I said was the best.  All I know is that at that moment what I said was the best that I could do.

As I read through Acts 2 I realize that the redemption that I was speaking of is only possible because God, through Jesus, has put death in its grave.  This is the meat of Peter’s Pentecost sermon.  Jesus has dealt a deathblow to death itself and because of this he has ushered in the new age of the Spirit. 

The conclusion from the resurrection of Christ is simply this, “Let all the house of Israel therefore know for certain that God has made him both Lord and Christ, this Jesus whom you crucified.”  Every other religious leader is dead in a grave somewhere.  Abraham. Dead. Moses. Dead. David. Dead.  Only Jesus has been resurrected thus proving that he is indeed the sovereign Lord and he is the Rescuer.  Yes, the very same Jesus that was crucified as a criminal. 

John Mark McMillen captures this well:

Yes, unless Jesus comes back before, my wife’s precious grandmother will pass into eternity.  But we know that because of the resurrection of Christ it is not death to die.  So, what I said to Isaiah still stands.  God has simply decided that it is time to redeem her completely. 

We all get sick, we all die, but it is only through Christ that death is dead in your dying.

This is either insanely true or truly insane…

“To lose the heavenly warmth and spiritual liveliness of your affections is undoubtedly a far more considerable loss than to lose the wife of your bosom, or the sweetest child that ever a tender parent laid in the grave…It is better for you to bury ten sons, than to remit one degree of love or delight in God.” 

This from John Flavel in Facing Grief.  His counsel is either insanely true or truly insane.  It all depends on how glorious God really is.

Saturday’s Seven 4/03

Dr. Moore reminds us that Death Isn’t Natural.

I am really happy that John Piper took on this question:  Was 3 Hours of Suffering Enough?

Actually Piper news kind of dominated my Google Reader this week.  Last weekend he announced his Upcoming Leave, and towards the middle of the week he explained why he invited Rick Warren to the National’s Conference.  It is also worth reading Grace Driscoll’s response to Piper’s leave. 

I think Toby Kurth makes a wonderful point and asks an important question:  Will Gospel-Centrality Go the Way of Fundamentalism?   If the title does not catch your eye, please do yourself a favor and read it.

Read this one buy Kevin DeYoung and be sure to follow the links to Jared’s blog and the comments on JT’s blog. 

Challies (who would know) tells us how to Read More and Read Better.

Watch what Daniel Montgomery of Sojourn says about Fundamentals of the Gospel:

Gospel 101 from Sojourn Community Church on Vimeo.

There are a ton of great Good Friday/Easter posts out there—but you can find those yourself.  enjoy celebrating the Resurrection this Lord’s Day.

You Never Know When

Yesterday was my wife's birthday. I felt a little sick, but was determined to rough it so that we could spend the day together. After our morning prayer meeting I drove to Wal-Mart to buy presents. I called my wife to let her know what time I would be home, and for her to be ready because we were going out. I closed my cell phone. It immediately rings. It's my dad. He sounds shaken up. They had just taken my grandpa in the ambulance to the hospital. It seemed at first like he was dehydrated and once on IV's for a while he would be better. But, 24 hours later he is in eternity.

At this point we have no idea exactly what it was that he died from. Something with his intestines. Maybe his heart.

Tonight is youth group. I am excited to preach the gospel tonight. Yet, I am physically and emotionally exhausted. Grandpa was alive and seemed well at our family reunion Saturday. Now he's dead; a reminder of the grace of God in giving us 87 years and a reminder of the gravity of sin. I am not certain where my grandfather will spend eternity. I know I shared the gospel with him. I know that he seemed to understand. And I know that God is very merciful. But also know that sin is real and God is just. My grandfather...as with you, me, and anyone else...has only one hope--Jesus Christ. May He be glorified in this time.

Tournament News, Blog Tourney, and Other Updates

It has been a difficult, exhausting, yet, inspiring Easter weekend. All good Christian bloggers should post over the Easter holiday. I didn't. My wife and I were in St. Louis at the hospital with her dying grandmother. We aren't certain that she knows Jesus. Please pray for her soul and for her body. The Lord has been patient for 80-something years. He would be just to take her at anytime. However, we pray for his mercy.

In the category of incomparably stinky news, my tournament bracket is shot. Someone must have slipped me some crack or something in my Mountain Dew. I picked way too many upsets. What idiot picks Boise St. over Louisville? Me! Dumb. Seriously, what was I thinking?

In other "tournament" news I was very stoked to find out that I made the Blog Madness at SBC Voices. I am seeded 11th in the South Division. The top 4 in each division advance. It would be a major upset for Borrowed Light to make it into the second round. With your votes we could do so. If you want to vote for us go here and vote. No way we advance beyond the second round. But even being in the sweet 16 would be a huge honor.