Happy Mother’s Day!

I bet this song was sang at many churches this morning:

To all you mama’s that are this awesome

Is Dat Funny?

“Is dat funny”, says my daughter as she dances on the table after being told for the fourteenth time that we don’t dance on the kitchen table.

Part of me wants to laugh with her. But the other part of me is a little frustrated that we’ve told her a million times not to do this particular activity and yet she still wonders whether or not mommy and daddy will let it slide and laugh it off.

I want to say to her, perhaps rather loudly, “No honey it is NOT funny because it is outright disobedience. Mommy and Daddy will never laugh at you disobeying us. It’s just NOT funny”. In my finer moments I stay composed and calmly help her to see that it’s not all that funny because we’ve asked her to not stand on the table, then I try to redirect her towards things that actually are funny.

I see myself in my daughters actions.

I love making people laugh—and I’m discovering that she does too. Yet I’m beginning to wonder if maybe somehow she’s picked up a little of her daddies twisted sense of humor.

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. –Ephesians 4:29

This one has been a battle for me. I’ve always had a weird sense of humor—and for years before Christ captivated my heart it was pretty vulgar. I’m the guy that not only crosses the line but crosses the line and spanks it. (Hopefully that statement wasn’t doing that). Or at least I was that guy, the Lord has transformed my wit over the years.

Yet, I still struggle.

At times I foolishly assume that just because something is funny that the Lord is slapping his knee up in heaven and going to give my words a free pass. It’s the humor clause. And so I say something really dumb and I’m like my daughter saying, “Is dat funny, God”?

No, son, it’s not. It’s disobedience and disobedience is never funny…

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*Just as a side note, my daughters disobedience is somewhat excusable. She’s not even quite three yet. She’s still trying to learn the ins and outs of humor. But that’s not the case with me. My “is dat funny?” moments are far less excusable.

Also isn’t my daughter about the cutest thing you’ve ever seen?

My 13 Favorite Fake Twitter Accounts

I love fake Twitter accounts. Here are my favorites, in no particular order

1. Fake JD Greear
2. Fake John Piper
3. Church Curmudgeon
4. Surly Deacon
5. Joe Osteen
6. Not Bill Walton
7. Not Kenny Rogers
8. Not Charles Barkley
9. Celebrity Pastor
10. Unappreciated Pastor
11. Bitter Blue Betty
12. Honest Toddler
13. sammyrhodes

Be sure to click on the links and follow these people.

Who did I miss?

How to Rock Twitter Like a Pharisee

“Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. (Matthew 6:1 ESV)

I wonder what it would look like if the Pharisees had a Twitter account. It would probably look a little like this:

Maybe it isn’t so hard to imagine…

There is a fine line between facebragging and giving God-honoring information. I’ve been working through taking the log out of my own eye before attempting to take the specs out of my brothers and sisters.

I started out by making a list of a few rules for determining if it’s God-honoring or facebragging. Then I realized that sounds too much like what a Pharisee would do. In reality it all comes down to my heart. Am I posting stuff in the hopes you’ll wake up to my awesomeness or to somehow praise the Lord and point to Him?

Here is the central question: Do I want to be seen by men or do I want to be a window by which people see the beauty of Jesus?

That is a question that I want to ask myself before I tweet things that tip-toe towards facebragging.

--

By the way that “My new ride” link works.

I should also mention that Twister is a crazy fun way of creating fake tweets like the ones above.

Hump Day Humor: When Goats Take Over Pop Songs

This wins the internet:

And this:

 

They're even take over 80's Rock:

Hump Day Humor: What to Do With Vegan Bacon

I’m with Ron Swanson on this one:

Hump Day Humor: Self Defense Classes

No need to pay money for self-defense classes. There are plenty of great ones online for free.

Like this one from Monty Python in case you are ever attacked with fruit:

Or when you have a dangerous perp like this one:

A Breakup Letter to @Rhapsody

Dear Rhapsody,

This isn’t working anymore.

I’d love to give you the classic line that “it’s not you, it’s me”. But I cannot. It is you. We were together back in 2008 when you were still known as Miss Yahoo. It was a difficult transition but we stuck together.

I have always loved that whenever I want something you can quickly deliver. Your fees are not exorbitant. Especially, since you stuck it to iTunes and allow me to download whatever I want and listen to it on my iPod or iPad without an internet connection. I still love you for this. But that’s it…

I’m leaving you for Pandora.

She is smarter. When I tell her that I don’t like a song she doesn’t continue to play it. You do. I don’t know how many times that I’ve told you I don’t like T.D. Jakes’ theology or his Marvin Gaye-esque love ballads. I don’t like anything that even sounds like country music. I don’t like cheesy Christian music. I like folkish music like Mumford and Sons but this doesn’t mean I dig Judy Collins. Pandora gets that. You don’t.

We fought for years trying to establish a decent “My Rhapsody Channel”. I’ve come to believe that you just do not understand me like Pandora does. Add to this your recent problems with buffering and lag and I have had all that I can handle. I’m no longer paying you to fill my office with crappy music.

We’re breaking up. I’ll miss parts of you but I’ll be happy to never have to listen to T.D. Jakes romancing me again.

Cutting ties,

Mike Leake

Review of The Medicated Meatballs New Album

I have seldom enjoyed reading reviews of albums. They make little sense to me. I believe that all the authors do is find a book with a boat-load of adverbs, pick a few objects in their office, try to tie together as many genre’s as possible, and then start to writing their review using as many weird and lengthy adjectives as they possibly can.

I though that it might be a little fun to write my own music review. If you can understand anything I have said kudos. The whole thing is mostly nonsense. And there is no band called The Medicated Meatballs—at least not yet, that I know of. Hopefully you will enjoy my made up song titles and find a bit of humor in this.

After you read this I have one question. Does this not sound like a typical hip music review?

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The Medicated Meatballs enjoyed an epic run in the early 80’s (Button Hole, Cheetah Forceps, and Frankenstein’s Heartworm) that notoriously gave voice to the era’s disdain for the dance-under-the-moonlight funk charade. Their valiant yet humble renderings of the melancholy earth-sounds endeared an entire generation of adoring fans. But things changed for the Seattle-based quartet when rival grunge bands exploded onto the scene.

For over a decade The Medicated Meatballs struggled to sell out even the echo-laden halls of hotels in the slums. Throughout the 90’s the flailing quartet flirted with their sound; even diving into renegade techno lullabies with their early 90’s Pandas with Dysentery offering. With this project the groups pedantic meanderings all but ostracized their entire fan base. By the turn of the millennium the band--now only playing county fairs in rural Alaska—decided to take a break.

After taking almost a decade off from music a rejuvenated Meatballs launched a 48 city reunion tour which spawned their newest album: Gravy Boat Shoelace. Their present undertaking is a welcome return to the bands sublime approach. Early fans will be pleased with their homecoming to the eclectic sounds of gypsy-dance-skiffle.

With their more pop-oriented tracks (like Simon and Garfield) the band launches their plunge into the icy-cool waters of over-dramatized circus ballads. Their ear-melting mockery of all things Reagan in Iraq You Ran will likely endear them to the posh elite but will do nothing to gain them traction in the ever-increasingly-popular world of the moody folk brigade.

Their most adventurous track, Androgynous Mule-Shark, assumes a smooth yet rocky pose with brief reminiscence of the angrier tracks of Rage Against the Machine. Many will be confused by their foray into breezy metal, but rest assured none are more confused than their new lead guitarist Harvey—who every time he drives towards a steady beat meanders into a weird improvisation of a rickety chainsaw.

The Medicated Meatballs had hoped that this album would give a pulse to their fans of the 80’s and attract a new generation of Meatheads. There’s plenty to love on Gravy Boat Shoelace, but there is also plenty to make the casual listener’s stomach to churn. This is their best album since Frankenstein’s Heartworm but still not enough to take them out of dimly lit and poorly populated night clubs.

The Proverbial Elephant in the SBC

There has been quite a bit of talk lately about the proverbial elephant in the SBC.  I figured perhaps we should finally give him a listen:

There you have it folks.  Wise words: People that live in glass houses should change clothes in the basement.  May this proverbial elephant forever instruct us. 

The Pain of Being Blackballed by @Challies and @TGC

I have been blogging now since 2007.  Early on I was just getting my feet wet in blogging and nobody knew who I was.  Things have changed.  I now get to blog for SBC Voices which is a massive power blog of the SBC.  Seriously, we get things done at SBC Voices.  Thanks to the leadership of the green-suited Dave Miller we are THE voice for the SBC. 

Yet as I have been faithfully plodding away writing about all things gospel there are two places my blog has yet to appear: Tim Challies and The Gospel Coalition.  NOTE: Yes, one time a quote from Andrew Fuller that I posted was linked to by Jared Wilson.  But he is not, as far as I know, part of the conspiracy.

Since 2007 I have hosted numerous giveaways and other things that are very similar to what Tim Challies usually puts on his A La Carte.  Every morning I check Tim’s blog thinking that perhaps the curse has been lifted and they will let me in to their inner-circle via a link to their blog.  And every day I get the same response—NOTHING.  I have even emailed Sir Challies and asked him to post a link to a book giveaway.  He responded with some sort of quick response—“I’ll take a look at it”.  Yeah, sure you will Tim.  You’ll look at it, laugh, and then pass it on to your cronies to laugh at as well.  (To think that I even defended Tim Challies way back in 2008.  It’s worth noting he didn’t link to this article either).

The same thing has happened on Justin Taylor’s blog and a few of the others at The Gospel Coalition.  I have commented numerous times on his blog.  And not stupid comments either.  Really high quality comments and ones that encourage him to check out my blog and bask in my awesomeness.  Yet from the ninth wonder of the internet world, known simply as JT, I received the same response as Tim Challies—NOTHING. 

One especially painful experience has been the snubbing by Trevin Wax.  A couple years ago Trevin was kind enough to offer me some linkage love on his blog Kingdom People.  Now it is hosted by The Gospel Coalition.  Has Trevin linked to me since then?  Nope.  Once he began being hosted by TGC he apparently forgot that I existed and deleted me off his list of blogs to check out. 

It has become painfully obvious to me that I must have done something to tick off the Reformed Illuminati.  They have the power in the blogosophere and these turkey’s will not share it with anyone.  I assume that those that do get linked to by Challies and Taylor and the other big guns must be in on the conspiracy somehow.  Perhaps they have towed the line and they aren’t as dangerous of a blogger as yours truly. 

I had been praying about whether or not to expose this conspiracy.  Part of me wants to just let it die and build traffic the hard way.  I went to Band of Bloggers this year in Louisville, KY.  It was represented by folks from TGC (like Justin Taylor and Colin Hansen) and Tim Challies.  I figured that I would show up and enjoy watching them get nervous in my presence.  I wondered what they would do.  Would they address it?  Would they say hi?  Would they nervously glance away? 

The Snubbing Continues at Band of Bloggers

My friend Jason and I were waiting patiently outside the portal to enter Band of Bloggers.  We showed up a little early and ended up being some of the first ones to enter.  After a couple of minutes I noticed a guy that looked eerily familiar walking up the steps.  It was none other than THE Tim Challies.  He stopped and very arrogantly stood no more than 3 feet from me.  I could not believe that he was so brazen as to do this.  After all the snubs.  He didn’t even look at me, he didn’t acknowledge my presence, he didn’t even say “Hi, Mike”.  Once again from Challies I received—NOTHING! 

Perhaps Justin Taylor or the others on Band of Bloggers would be nicer and actually mention their snubbing the little guy.  That’s okay I could have handled even a veiled apology.  What did I receive from them?  NOTHING! 

So here I am exposing the conspiracy.  I’m not going to stand for it any longer.  I’m exposing these guys and getting tons of traffic as a result.  I cannot handle their snubs any longer.  These men must be exposed for the power-gluttons that they are. 

Now that you know the backstory of why I am doing this…Tomorrow I will expose these jokers for who they really are and explain what is REALLY behind this conspiracy. 

One Reason Tom Schreiner is My Favorite Professor @SBTS

Not only is Tom Schreiner a faithful pastor he is also one of the best scholars of our day. Yet, perhaps his best quality is that he models grace and humility in his teaching and preaching. I am happy to have Dr. Schreiner as one of my professors. But his preaching, teaching, and writing skills are no match for his awesome rapping skills.

(HT: Denny Burk)

Help Borrowed Light Make the Final Four and Keep the Terrorists from Winning

Thanks to your help Borrowed Light made it into the Sweet 16 in the SBCVoices Blue Collar Blog Madness.  What is at stake is a coveted spot on the Voices Watchlist.  Trust me you want Borrowed Light to be on that Watchlist and not those jokers that I’m going up against.  I already outed them as kitty haters.  You don’t want these type of writers to be featured on Voices. 

So here are the steps to follow. 

Step One: Go to SBC Voices Blue Collar Blog Madness Sweet 16.

Step Two: Scroll down to the Midwest division and vote for Borrowed Light.

Step Three: Share this page and/or the SBC Voices Sweet 16 page on Facebook and encourage your friends to vote for Borrowed Light. 

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To further motivate you I have found a little bit of dirt on my opponents in the Midwest Division:

The Truth about Joe Blackmon: This has been confirmed by both Jared Moore (of Harry Potter Bible Study fame) and snopes.com  Joe Blackmon is the inspiration for the Lord Voldemort character from Harry Potter.  I don’t watch Harry Potter but I hear he’s a bad dude.  Do you really want someone whose name ought not even be spoken to be on the SBC Voices Watchlist? 

The Truth about Frank Gantz: After slowly rewinding the Zapruder film I discovered what appeared to be a small child near the grassy knoll during the famous Kennedy assassination.  Through high-tech research and computer technology that you wouldn’t understand I was able to enlarge the photo and age it to see what this little tot would look like in our day and age.  To my shock it was a picture of Frank Gantz.  Yes a young Frank Gantz was the shooter on the grassy knoll.  You don’t want to vote for this guy.

The Truth about Andrew Wencl: After a rather lengthy and expensive research project on Ancestry.com I have been able to determine that Andrew Wencl is the nephew of Frank Stallone.  I’m not sure what this means but I doubt you want to vote for the guy.  I was hoping for something a little more sinister, but perhaps Andrew is so sneaky and devious that he bought off the folks at Ancestry.com.  Regardless, unless you want to see tons of posts giving homage to Frank Stallone I wouldn’t bother voting for this Andrew fella. 

How to Save Cute Little Kittens: SBC Voices Blue Collar Blog Madness

Last year you helped Borrowed Light make the Sweet 16.  And that was against powerhouse SBC blogs.  This year those powerhouse blogs are gone and the folks at SBC Voices are seeing which of the “little guys” should be moved up to the hallowed status of (queue James Earl Jones) FEATURED BLOG!!!! 

Here is how you can help Borrowed Light become a FEAUTRED BLOG on the SBC Voices watch list. 

Step One: Go to SBC Voices Blue Collar Blog Madness. 

Step Two: Scroll down to the Midwest region and vote for Borrowed Light. 

Step Three: Don’t bother voting for any of those other jokers.  I can assure you that everyone else in my division puts little baby kitties in wood-chippers*.  Not me.  I’ll never do that.  So only vote for the guy that would never do that.

Step Four: Let other people know about the Blue Collar Blog Madness.  Tell them to vote for Borrowed Light and save baby kitties**. 

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*This claim cannot be proven, but this is the SBC so it’s totally fine to assume that such crazy claims are true—that’s what we do. 

**If you abhor baby kitties and would actually cheer for people that put them in wood-chippers…first of all, shame on you…second of all, pretend it’s not baby kitties, pretend that they are Yankees fans, or Cowboys fans, or Hitler fans.

Hump Day Humor 3.7.12

I’d take guitar lessons from this person:

I love this commercial (HT: 22 Words): 

I should probably just call this feature HT: 22 Words because here is another funny from there:

Pentecostal Gorilla:

The only hope for Cubs fans (and probably Royals fans too):

This from a fun site called Questionable Advice:

Hump Day Humor 2/22/12

Though I wouldn't recommend this practice for believers--no matter how bad the service, I did find this rather clever and funny.

  (HT: 22 Words)

This is also clever:

  (HT: Trevin Wax)

You gotta’ love some fishing bloopers:

(HT: Kevin DeYoung)

This was totally me---it may still be…

If you fear the CIA here is why you need to get out of Facebook:

(HT: Z)

Kitty Fail!

(HT: 22 Words)

Hump Day Humor 2/8/12

I really like this:

(HT: 22 Words)

I really would like to work with Improv Everywhere:

I’m not sure this is meant to be funny, but I found it hilarious anyway:

Very helpful mushroom advice from 1916:

Hump Day Humor 1/25/12

This looks like homework I would have turned in high school:

This looks about as good as most real television shows:

(HT: 22 Words)

This one has made its rounds at several places:

 

What happens when the defrost goes out in your van in an ice storm and you cannot really pull over to the side of the road but have to drive another twenty miles to get to the marriage conference you are co-teaching?  Your good friend Jason gets the idea to put a sock on the windshield wiper…that’s what happens:

This one raises so many questions…

From (QAA)

Hump Day Humor: 1/18/12

I found this quite entertaining. 

(HT: 22 Words)

Another funny one from 22 Words:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I may try this:

Maybe I shouldn’t find this one funny:

(HT: Sacred Sandwich)

And finally, I found this hilarious.  Tried to tell the joke myself…and it fell flat.  Guess I’m not as hip as Norm MacDonald.

The Precious!

I thought of this again the other day and it still makes me laugh: